Sunday, 26 February, 2012

Have you ever felt like things are really hectic, but then you stop, take a breath and think for just a minute, and it really isn't all that hectic, after all? That is kind of how I feel right at the moment - at one moment it feels like everything is hectic and then the next moment I realized it isn't hectic, its just kind of active at the moment but not really hectic in general. Interesting and a bit amusing, as well as a bit of a situation that puts me into a conflicted position with my host and hostess, who are both being cute and goofy and they ended up putting me in the middle of a silly conflict and it made me feel a little conflicted. Despite the realization it's silly, I have Asperger's and take things rather literally and I feel a bit conflicted by what just happened, but not in a bad way, just amused and vaguely hopeful that tonight will include a flogging of some kind, though I highly doubt that, in spite of that I would really enjoy a second session with Sir Sam. He's very gentle and progressive about it, taking his time and learning how to play with me so that he doesn't do anything I do not like while having his fun, making certain he uses Master's toy correctly and plays with me in the way that I'm intended to be played with. Apparently I helped with something without even having realized that I had been helping... makes me feel good to know that I am capable of being helpful without them having to put undue pressure on me to do so. I'm just helpful by nature, apparently?


I like that. It makes me feel good to be helpful. They're all so big... and it's so nice to know that a little girl like myself can still be helpful to the adults, and useful, and even fun to play with in some ways which don't really harm me, really. I'm a little with mental disorders, I'm accustomed to the experiencing of some confusion... which is kind of the sensation I'm feeling right now. A little bit confused as to how I managed to be helpful without knowing that I was being helpful until after I'd been helpful. Oh, well.


Far more importantly, Master took me to the birthday party of a very good friend who lives nearby, and we stayed for a little while (about 90 to 100 minutes or thereabouts) during which I was naked for the vast majority of it. It was fun, her awesome husband actually gave me a present (three four-sided dice in crystal blue since I saw them in his box of dice and had a gasp-me-loves! response to the crystal blue ones so he gave me three of the kind of dice that my own set doesn't include, I having lost the single four-sided die that I'd ever had like twenty years ago or something like that).


After that, though, things took a turn for the worse!
"That's a total dramatization, of course, but you get my point." ~ Geico Gecko


Once we left, Master and three of our friends went to a karaoke bar ... at which I was determined I would not sing because I am deathly afraid of microphones when I am holding them in my hand in an expectation of doing any kind of singing. It didn't help that I had to ask the guy to start over nor did it help that my voice is so atrociously soft when I try to feminize it that even with one, you can seriously not even hear me because I just do not have the ability to raise my voice as a girl, I want to get a surgery which would allow me to do that, but I'm not sure if I should. Master says that I've got the perfect gender-neutral voice, and I want Her to enjoy Her slave's voice, because She's got to live with it every bit as much as I do. My real problem with my voice is that I can be loudly and extremely masculine if I want to, but I can't be feminine at a high volume, it just cannot work, that is the main reason I did not want to go up and sing.


By the end of the night and after two and a half shots of Soju and three White Russians, a drunk woman who is actually an employee of the karaoke bar kind of pressured me into doing it, which was kind of the plan of both of Master's friends who were still there at the time wanting me to be their "virgin sacrifice" to the gods of karaoke.


I freaked out in the short waiting period before doing it.
I huddled in the corner feeling terrified while actually doing the singing.
I hurried back to my seat as soon as the nightmare was over with.
I trembled for about ten minutes thereafter.


The fact that both of them and my beloved Daddy all said they were proud of me and were very supportive and comforting helped a lot, but it was still the scariest four minutes of my life and I genuinely wished I was back in Dover County instead of being up there singing even though the only people there were Master, our two friends, and a few drunk employees of the karaoke bar.


The drinks were good and so was the food, the company was amazing and the karaoke was a fun experience to watch but horrible and terrifying to perform firsthand. I don't ever want to sing ever again. It was awful being up there doing the singing. The only time I ever want to sing ever again is in the car with the beautiful and cherished Master Who Owns me, and only when only Her and I are actually in the car at all.


Overall, it was a great night and a good experience with only that one blemish at the end of it. I had honestly planned to hide in my room all day and not come out for any reason, but in being a good friend to a fellow slave and pet, I had to come out of my room and received a few really kind words from my host here at Random House and some rather shockingly supportive words from my roommate.


It was worthwhile to do the karaoke thing since it made Master happy and allowed Her another opportunity to be proud of me. I liked the way it made me feel when She said She was proud of me for facing one of my fears in the full knowledge of how scared I was... Eric was really rather incredibly supportive about the whole thing, too... he's honestly been very nice to me and I am honoured by how gentle he is towards me. Courtney was amazingly supportive, too, but Master is the one that really made it worthwhile.


I did not have fun while I was singing, but the entire remainder of the evening was a pleasurable experience even without having been flogged or beaten in any way despite that I really wanted to be flogged last night at some point.


Oh, well.


I felt flattered and amused when both Courtney and Ben asked Master if they could borrow me for a night when I gave them a little bit of a back massage each at my friend's birthday party. I felt a bit more amused when Master's response was just to give a slight shake of Her head and be like... No. I hated seeing them disappointed, but I was still amused when Master said they couldn't borrow me for one day or night.


Obviously, I would not mind if Master allowed them to borrow me for a day, maybe with a nice "terms of service" agreement, but Master knows what's best for me and I totally trust Her, and Her judgment. She's the best and most beautiful Person I've ever met and the biggest blessing that I've ever received. Her Word is Law, and it is my pride and my pleasure to obey Her Rules. I've never felt so safe or happy in my life. I would rather die than disappoint Master in any way.





I Love You Master, with all of my heart, with all that I am, with every fiber of my being. There is no part of me that does not love every part of You, Beautiful Beloved Master.
I Trust You Master, with my heart and with my health and with my life.
I have absolute Faith in You Master, I wish nothing but to serve You for all of my lives.
I have no Desire to go to Heaven without You, for without You, it would not be Heaven.




- Protected Slave and Property of the Magnificent Miss_Misanthropy,
Eternally Privileged to be Master's Adoring Pet Whore, Phee

Thursday, 16 February, 2012.

At long last, my internet access has returned and I am connected to the internet with my own computer again, so now I have the time and freedom to write as much as I want over as long a period as I want in whatever way I would like.


Bwahahahaha.
Just kidding, I'm by no means going to write the almost-novella of my introductory post when I initially opened this blog. That would just be cruel if I didn't actually have that much worthwhile, basically, to say.


Where to start, though, with all my updates?


I guess I'll start with a big topic.


My adoptive mother.
She knows about the blog, though she does not know the blog address and does not know any of the contents of it, and she's been harassed a bit because of this blog ... why? I don't know, but to be quite frank, I'm not going to stop writing it. Someone claiming to be my friend Sabrina has been talking to her, but as my friend Sabrina herself said: if you were going to illegally harass someone, would you really honestly give them your actual name? Nobody intelligent would do that, and my friend Sabrina is most certainly intelligent.


My adoptive mother (and adoptive father) have also missed me very much since I left New Jersey, have begun to appreciate what they had while I was around and have begun to regret things that they did or didn't do. Particularly inclusive in these regrets is the failure to accept me as a female before I moved out, especially considering that that failure was one of the larger reasons I left, but by no means the biggest. The primary reason I left home was to become a slave to the greatest, most amazing and most beautiful Woman that I have ever known. I'll gush on Her in a little bit. I'm just not to that topic yet.


My adoptive mother has been doing a lot to make a good impression on me of her missing me, as she has been sending me things that haven't been making life easier in Tennessee (as life here is extremely relaxed and comfortable and Master is, again, awesome), but which have been making it significantly more convenient. She's sent me an Ethernet adapter which is how I'm able to finally getting on-line again with my own laptop -- I'm so thankful to Miss Tammy and Sir Sam for just the sheer depth of their awesomeness and kindness, they not only opened their home to me to live in, they opened their laptops to me to allow me to be able to still get online most of the time as mine was incapacitated with the absence of said adapter. My adoptive mother has also sent me a GPS which means that I'll actually be able to drive around on my own in Clarksville and start figuring out where shit is for myself without ending up in fucking Dover.


Yeah. I visited Master one day, followed Her to Her home, then got directions from Eric on how to get back to Random House... I took one wrong turn at the worst possible time and ended up forty miles out of my way in another county. I ended up somewhere that transgendered people are very much at risk for being murdered by an angry mob with torches and pitchforks. It's a good thing for the fact that as honest and straightforward as I am, I don't just announce that to everyone I meet, randomly, on a cold, dark night when I'm 40 miles from where I live and don't have a clue where I'm at.


There are people in New Jersey who believe I really am that stupid and will be extraordinarily disappointed by the fact that I went into Hell and managed to get back out again before the demons sensed a disturbance in the Force and came to investigate what was going on with regards to that.


I am honestly surprised by my recent connections, and recent reconnections.
Let me just start this topic by saying that I actually had 2,400 people on my Facebook at one point, and I'm down to 453 or thereabouts right now. I sent out a couple thousand messages in essence announcing that I am pansexual, transgendered, and have Asperger's Syndrome, and that anyone who wanted to remove me from their friends list was welcome to do so at their own leisure and I would not be offended and, either way, happy new year.


About 200 people removed me, about 200 people gave me very friendly responses so I got a couple hundred new friends out of it, and more than 1,500 were removed 5-7 weeks later as I hadn't gotten a response from them in that time so I deduced that they just didn't care enough to affirm for me that they were okay with my identity when I basically asked for that affirmation.


I'm surprised, honestly, by the roughly two hundred positive responses that I received, I really didn't expect that. I'm also rather blown away by the fact that I recently reconnected with a girl I knew in middle school (the only public school experience I have really had in my life due to my massively overprotective adoptive parents), and was stunned by how well the reconnecting has gone with her. She's an amazing person, I just didn't think she'd remember me after eighteen years! Seems some people have a memory as good as mine is for remembering people that I knew and saw almost daily for three years of my life. Like I said, she's gone from just another kid to a great woman that I'm honestly delighted to add to my friends list as an adult, and just so amazingly supportive of my lifestyle choices, moreso than I had honestly expected and far moreso than I have received from other people I knew in middle school who seemed far more accepting and whom I kept in touch with more than I kept in touch with this beautiful woman.



I Love You Master, with all of my heart, with all that I am, with every fiber of my being.
There is no part of me that does not love every part of You, Beautiful Beloved Master.
I Trust You Master, with my heart and with my health and with my life.
I have absolute Faith in You Master, I wish nothing but to serve You for all of my lives.
I have no Desire to go to Heaven without You, for without You, it would not be Heaven.


- Protected Slave and Property of the Magnificent Miss_Misanthropy,
Privileged to be Master's Adoring Pet Whore, Phee

Tuesday, 7 February, 2012

All right, I haven't posted a blog update in several days, primarily because the fact is that it's been a busy few days and quite frankly, some of that has been irritating drama.



On the other hand, I spent a lot of time with Master in the last few days, the spell has been started and out of this time I actually got to spend about 40 hours with Master, who is a Fairy Shaman, as well as with two archangels (a third joined us for the last few hours of this time-frame), and also, I had my first experience of sensing something with my empathy, which left me rattled enough that one of those archangels allowed me to cuddle up next to him. The very limited bed-space meant we had to share a bed, but initially he hadn't wanted me too terribly close to him, but after that he knew I was feeling scared and uncomfortable to the point I wouldn't really be able to get any sleep without being able to press against him and feel his energy enveloping me for my own security. I think he's probably the coolest, nicest and cutest guy that I've ever actually been around, although the other archangel who was around for most of the weekend was pretty hot, in his own way, and he's got a very sexy Irish accent. Guarantee you if he reads this blog and sees that, he won't use it around me ever again, though, I think I make him a bit nervous because of how direct I am and for how deeply sexual my personality is in person around people that I am attracted to, sexually. I have what I feel to be a lot of emotional and intellectual compatibility with him, and spiritual compatibility to a degree as well, so it's only natural that I'm sexually attracted to both of those archangels. The third one isn't that bad, either, I like him as a friend, but I don't think that I have enough compatibility with him in any of the three areas of influence in my sexuality, to become sexually attracted to him. I told him as much, he was very happy to hear it since none of them are particularly interested in my presently-male body, though at some point their interest levels might change once I begin to get as much more visually and physically feminine as I will once Master and I can afford to get the surgical alterations to my body that I really need to get, which will start with medical hair restoration to alter my hairline, thermolysis to remove facial hair, and breasts.

Either way, I feel pretty comfortable with all of the events of this weekend, except for that I felt pretty rattled by my first experience with empathically sensing something that I couldn't physically see and actually knowing what the experience was. I sensed what I think may have been the members of the sasquatch family that lives near Master's current place of residence. I am nevertheless looking forward to learning more, as I have unique skills and abilities that Master does not have and which therefore She would benefit from having at Her disposal through me.


She was in my mind, the night before last, as well. I didn't know it until after-the-fact when She basically told me that She'd been in my mind when I asked about it. I didn't mind in the least. I welcome Her into my mind anytime She wants to visit or talk to me in that way, once I start to feel acclimated to Her presence inside of my mind where She can talk to me in a really private way.




 

I Love You Master, with all of my heart, with all that I am, with every fiber of my being.

There is no part of me that does not love every part of You, Beautiful Beloved Master.
I Trust You Master, with my heart and with my health and with my life.
I have absolute Faith in You Master, I wish nothing but to serve You for all of my lives.
I have no Desire to go to Heaven without You, for without You, it would not be Heaven.


- Protected Slave and Property of the Magnificent Miss_Misanthropy,
Privileged to be Master's Adoring Pet Whore, Phee

Wednesday, 1 February, 2012

All right, so I've been failing to be as consistent in my updates as I was initially, but sometimes, I've just felt like I had nothing in particular to say, certainly nothing interesting or worth mentioning, albeit in the last couple of days, it's been more about not feeling like doing any kind of writing, not even in the context of blogging. Today, though, there's updates.

If it has not been mentioned before, there's a number of things that Master and I are going to do in an experimental, "can Phee handle this?" kind of way, to see if it's something that I can give Her as it's something that She enjoys. This is going to include learning to provide Her with painful sensory input because like me, She has masochistic urges, tendencies and needs. Of course, there's also a limit, certain things that I very simply won't be doing.

We have experimented with a little bit of Needle Play, and by a little bit I mean the very barest level possible -- one lonely needle went into my back, and it was not an unpleasant experience. It stung, though that doesn't mean I won't be able to handle it, just that I need to be worked up to it perhaps a bit more slowly than I would have liked. I wish I could have taken twelve on my first experience as opposed to only one. One is, at least, a start, though it's the weakest starting point available, quite literally the barest minimum. I do not think I will ever be able to do the Needles on Her, unfortunate it is for me since I know that She enjoys being pierced by metal objects, Herself.

We have experimented with Energy Play, not extensively, but what She did to me, I found enjoyable in the extreme, perhaps in part for the knowing that so much of Her focus was on me at that instant. Due to the fact that I am an Empath, there is a high likelihood of that I will do Energy Play with Her, in reciprocation for whatever She does with or to me as a Psychic. It's highly enjoyable for me to be the center of Her attention for any length of time and I suspect that I will enjoy using my Empathy for the sake of improving Her mood and making Her feel better in general.

We have not yet experimented with Edge Play or Blood Play, but I am anxiously anticipating it, as I want to know if I can handle being cut with a knife or a razor, and I want to know whether or not my blood has an appealing flavour, to Her. It's something that I know that She greatly enjoys, and I want very badly to give it to Her if it is something that's at all physically possible for me. I want to bring as much pleasure to Her as I possibly can and even if it isn't something that I directly enjoy, I'll certainly enjoy knowing that I am doing something that brings Her gratification of some kind.

We have not yet experimented with Fire Play, but I'm eagerly awaiting the experience, it requires a metal lighter, but I think it sounds like fun. Despite having heat exhaustion, I've got a pretty high heat tolerance as long as it's not the air temperature all around me dehydrating me. She really enjoys it, I want to give Her everything I can to pleasure and satisfy Her and all of Her needs.


I'm also anxiously anticipating the first time that She's going to put a leash on me, but for now I am going to have to wait for it, as She's hand-weaving a collar and leash for me, and I am very much looking forward to Her attaching a leash to my collar and taking me for a walk. For now, though, it has been mostly anticipation, but I've also gotten to spend over 200 hours with Her or thereabouts, in the basically 3 weeks, which means I don't really go all that long without seeing Her usually, but sometimes it feels like a really long time without seeing Her. I am so in love with Her, though, that I have absolutely no complaints about Our relationship even if I do not see Her as often as I'd prefer, since every time I'm with Her, my heart soars and I feel like I'm in Heaven just being around Her.


I could have never conceived of being as happy as it makes me to belong to Her, and especially to be around Her.

I Love You Master, with all of my heart, with all that I am, with every fiber of my being.

There is no part of me that does not love every part of You, Beautiful Beloved Master.
I Trust You Master, with my heart and with my health and with my life.
I have absolute Faith in You Master, I wish nothing but to serve You for all of my lives.
I have no Desire to go to Heaven without You, for without You, it would not be Heaven.


- Protected Slave and Property of the Magnificent Miss_Misanthropy,
Privileged to be Master's Adoring Pet Whore, Phee

Sunday, 29 January, 2012

All right, so I didn't get the opportunity to make my regular blog update yesterday, lots of stuff going on. The weekend was not as long as I was hoping, as evidenced by the fact that I am updating my blog right now and not tomorrow. Both of my Play Partners received calls from their parents which essentially demanded they come home for a visit, disregarding plans that they had made already, with a very much "or else" kind of tone-of-voice, apparently. We were all pretty disappointed by it, I think, but at least we got to spend some amount of time together and to go to a party together, plus the opportunity to actually just be around each other for a while. I, for one, was very happy for that. I love all three of them, Master most of all obviously but I love both of my Play Partners very much, as well, so getting to spend any amount of time around all three of them is really phenomenal.

I also greatly enjoyed Friday night's party ... I got to officially meet three people that I'd been looking forward to getting to meet and getting to know, saw another couple of people that I am discovering I really like seeing and hanging out with. One being this young military guy with really short hair, he's just super hot. He has a great personality, too. All in all, the party was great, for me. There was a bit of an issue that really changed the mood of the party because someone showed up that did things which were expressly against the rules and completely disrespecting not only the organizer of that party (one of the people I'd been anxiously waiting to meet), but one of the owners of where it is the entire event was taking place (another person I'd been anxiously waiting to meet face-to-face). I'm guessing this wasn't his first offense, because everyone says that it's basically been basically like a pattern of chronic disrespect for the community's rules, regulations and guidelines, and for that matter, a complete disregard for Tennessee State Law and common sense. The thing that makes it worse is that he is physically attractive and seems to have a charismatic personality. I feel very fortunate that I knew what I knew about him before ever meeting him in person, and also to have a Master Who protects me has made things far simpler. Per Her instruction, this individual will have essentially no opportunities whatsoever to associate with me, for which I am thankful purely on the basis of things that I have heard about him.

However, this weekend was cut shorter than we had all hoped, so certain things are going to need to be pushed back to another time given the way that we want to do them. Since I deeply desire to have both of my Play Partners physically present when I am sexually deflowered, and also as I get most of my early Needle Play sessions, so that they can each hold my hand while this is going on, it means that we need to wait for next weekend when they'll be available again, unless they should become available sometime before that. I doubt that will happen, though I'd be very happy if it did.

There's also the fact that I am hoping that when we do Edge Play and Blood Play, I hope they can be present to hold my hands during that as well, since Master will be making an incision which will draw blood so that She may drink of my wellspring and sample my flavour. I hope that I will have an appealing flavour for Her, as I know that this is something that She very much enjoys and I want very much to give it to Her. I like giving Her things that She will enjoy, even if I don't necessarily enjoy it or if I don't necessarily enjoy it yet. I am extremely safe with Her -- I know for an absolute fact that if I'm unable to do something, I need only ask Her to stop and She will, and She won't do it again unless I tell Her I am ready to do it again.

 Like the Needle Play -- at the moment, it does nothing for me, but that does not mean I will not "get into it" so to speak, at some point in the future. I like pain, and this is a new kind of pain, I think the main reason it does nothing for me is because I am not accustomed to it. Once I have become accustomed to it, though, I think that I will be able to enjoy it. I think I will feel similarly in regards to Fire Play, but I know that Fire Play is something that Master likes doing, so I want to, bare minimum, give it a try. I may enjoy it, so it is worth giving it a try at the bare minimum, just in case it turns out to be something that I like. I know that the Edge Play and Blood Play will hurt as much as my sexual deflowering, which is why I want my two Play Partners there to hold my hand as I go through it for the first time.

Master and I will also soon be getting together at Her altar, where She will grant me the wish that I have expressed to Her by drawing my blood and working a very powerful spell that will ensure I get to be with Her forever, as She has promised me that I will be able to, because there is really nothing in the whole of existence that I would rather than to spend the whole of my existence with Her. Master really is simply that extraordinarily amazing to me.

I Love You Master, with all of my heart, with all that I am, with every fiber of my being.

There is no part of me that does not love every part of You, Beautiful Beloved Master.
I Trust You Master, with my heart and with my health and with my life.
I have absolute Faith in You Master, I wish nothing but to serve You for all of my lives.
I have no Desire to go to Heaven without You, for without You, it would not be Heaven.


- Protected Slave and Property of the Magnificent Miss_Misanthropy,
Privileged to be Master's Adoring Pet Whore, Phee

Thursday, 26 January, 2012

I'll start by talking about yesterday, because yesterday Master and I spent about eight hours of pure unadulterated togetherness, which was simply phenomenal. We went to a two-hour munch for the Clarksville Kinksters group which went from 7:00 PM Central to 9:00 PM Central, after being with one another from 4:00 PM onward, and then spent about three hours at the after-party at the home of one of my friends' really cool Owner. He's a nice guy, or at least he seems like a nice guy to me, I haven't known him for that long, but he's always been nice towards me and so that's how I judge his personality to be. He's nice. There's some things we don't necessarily agree on, which as a slave, submissive, and all-around nice girl, I keep that to myself because I respect him and I don't want to talk about things we don't agree on. There's much better topics for conversation, like things that we have in common. For instance, an appreciation for fine wines and beverages in general having of a fruit flavouring. I had some really amazing blackberry wine last night. It was a bit strong, so I gave the last of it to Master since She liked it, too, and since I'd had as much as I really wanted.

At the party we did some Energy Play, where Master put Her hand on my throat and then just left it to set there just barely touching my skin, but it felt like She was clamping down and narrowing my airways. I could still breath plenty easily enough, so breath-play is fine with me as long as I can still actually inhale and exhale naturally. We also tried a little bit of the Needle Play, which was fun in an entirely different way. It stung a bit when She put the needle into me, but it was not that bad, though I did need to stop. Hopefully, tomorrow, I'll be able to take two needles or maybe more. At least then I will have a couple of people to hold my hands, since Friday we'll be having another girls' night, or it might turn into a second "girls' weekend" in just the like three weeks or thereabouts that I've been here. Another 70+ hours of togetherness with Master sounds like absolute rapture in a weekend of unity. I love it.


Today's been a mixed bag, though. It's raining, and that kind of fits my mood -- sad. I have a lot that I am looking forward to tomorrow, but today, I feel fairly certain that I lost one of my best friends, one that I met and connected with in Middle School and whom I've been friends with for about 19 years.


She got mad at me because of things I've told her about the nature of the relationship dynamic that Master and I share, things I've said in response to questions she's asked, and things I've then said, in reply to her responses to my answers to those same questions. She is an amazing person and a wonderful human being, but I don't think she fully comprehends the severity to which my Asperger's Syndrome goes... I don't always do well with non-verbal communication, like text messages as one example, which is where our argument occurred. 


I don't always know how to respond to certain statements or questions, either.

What do you say when someone that's highly vanilla asks you what Fire Play, Energy Play, Edge Play, Blood Play and Needle Play are? None of your business? You don't really want to know the answer to that? I don't think you're ready for the answer to that? I don't know what to say for what I'm saying to be a response that's respectful and approving towards their lack of kinkiness or an overall lack of fetishism. I don't know what to say in answer, so I just answer the question with the actual facts, and then she says it makes her uncomfortable.


What am I supposed to say if she says it makes her uncomfortable?

What am I supposed to say if she says that she's worried about me or that she wants to help me in some way? Apparently, "I don't NEED help." isn't the right answer.


What am I supposed to say to it when she says that she doesn't approve, or doesn't agree with it?


I have Asperger's Syndrome. I genuinely do not know what I am supposed to say, here.

I Love You Master, with all of my heart, with all that I am, with every fiber of my being.

There is no part of me that does not love every part of You, Beautiful Beloved Master.
I Trust You Master, with my heart and with my health and with my life.
I have absolute Faith in You Master, I wish nothing but to serve You for all of my lives.
I have no Desire to go to Heaven without You, for without You, it would not be Heaven.


- Protected Slave and Property of the Magnificent Miss_Misanthropy,
Privileged to be Master's Adoring Pet Whore, Phee

Tuesday, 24 January, 2012

It's been a long, quiet several days since I last saw Master and I miss Her very much, although we talk almost every day, it isn't the same as seeing Her in person, I've discovered, and I find I hunger for Her touch. It's the best sensation in the world, when She makes skin contact with me. I was very much hoping to see one of my play-partners today, but another play partner (the one she lives with) was ill, so I told her that she should stay with her roommate and make sure that she's okay and that she has time and comfort to make a full recovery with all haste.

As much as it disappoints me not to get to play anywhere nearly as often as I would like, I do very much prefer to miss out on a possible play session as opposed to leaving one of my play partners feeling ill and entirely on their own without anyone to look after them and see that they are not sick for too terribly long. Plus, I am going to get to play with Master and one of my play partners at the after-party tomorrow and, most likely, again at the party on Friday. It is something definitely worth looking forward to and being enthusiastically eager to have come around.

Still got a bunch of things to do with regards to my relocation, including getting everything so that I'll be able to transfer my license down to Tennessee. There's always so much to do when you move, it isn't even funny. I guess that's something I'll have to get accustomed to, though, since people tend to move around a lot during the course of their lives, don't they? Moving out, moving in with a loved one, relocating to a bigger home when they're having children, so on and so forth as that. It's a busy thing, living.

Oh, well. I'm happier down here than I've ever been in my life, and though there are things that make me sad or disappointed down here, such is life, and at least in Tennessee, I'm happier than I have ever imagined being before, and my long period of severe emotional depression has ended.

I Love You Master, with all of my heart, with all that I am, with every fiber of my being.
There is no part of me that does not love every part of You, Beautiful Beloved Master.
I Trust You Master, with my heart and with my health and with my life.
I have absolute Faith in You Master, I wish nothing but to serve You for all of my lives.
I have no Desire to go to Heaven without You, for without You, it would not be Heaven.


- Protected Slave and Property of the Magnificent Miss_Misanthropy,
Privileged to be Master's Adoring Pet Whore, Phee

Sunday, 22 January, 2012

So today was a pretty boring day, overall, but there were still some things that happened that I feel to be worthy of mention. Although the day started out with much promise of all kinds of fun, Master was not feeling well enough to come over to Random House and do stuff with (or rather, to) me. I'll be honest and say I was a little bit disappointed, but at the same time, I cannot fault Her for it, I fault the universe that we are in being as incompatible with Her Soul as it is. So I am sad, because I did miss out, but I love Her and I am not the least bit disappointed with my relationship with Her or Her ownership of me, in fact I'm happier now than I was when I arrived. Every day I'm here, I get happier to be here, to be alive, to belong to Her. Sometimes, there's just no helping it when something bad happens, or something comes up, or something like that.

Also, we're in a tornado-watch right now because this is Clarksville, Tennessee, and because I'm living in a major metropolitan area, there's not a basement to go down into in the event a tornado should come in this direction, which brings it down to praying that if one cuts a path in Clarksville, that it misses Random House entirely, and that it not veer anywhere near Woodlawn, either, since I'm pretty certain that I wouldn't survive if Master were to be killed by a tornado. She had a narrow scrape with one destroying a house She lived in, once before, I'm hoping that we can move to an area with lower prevalence of tornadic activity.

On the plus side, however, my adoptive mother is desiring to buy some of my jewelry that I did not in fact bring with me when I left, but much of which will be getting shipped down to me. She wants to buy a lot of it, though, so I'm strongly considering allowing her to do so because I need the cash and I don't need the jewelry, and most of it I'm not exactly particular about keeping anyway.


I Love You Master, with all of my heart, with all that I am, with every fiber of my being.
There is no part of me that does not love every part of You, Beautiful Beloved Master.
I Trust You Master, with my heart and with my health and with my life.
I have absolute Faith in You Master, I wish nothing but to serve You for all of my lives.
I have no Desire to go to Heaven without You, for without You, it would not be Heaven.


- Protected Slave and Property of the Magnificent Miss_Misanthropy,
Privileged to be Master's Adoring Pet Whore, Phee

Friday, 20 January, 2012

I keep getting e-mails from my adoptive parents, mostly related to stuff to do with the move, and the stuff that I was not able to bring with me right away because there just wasn't enough room nor that many boxes available for the sake of packing it all up. I'll have to make sure that she knows to look for my jewelry, ship it, and not to keep the $3,000 diamond ring I have which I may decide to sell as soon as I have it down here with me, although I'm not sure if I want to keep it, but if I decide to sell it, I'd want to get at least as much out of it as I spent on it, it's diamond, after all.

I am getting a $200+ cell phone today, being delivered so that I can actually get back into constant contact with the Master Who Owns me. I should also be getting certified mail, soon, about the title to the Jeep being transferred solely into my name and no longer in my adoptive mother's name and that makes me happy. As soon as I have a job, I'll also be getting my own insurance, or as soon as I get onto Social Security Income, I'll be able to afford to get insurance that way as well. For now, I am reliant upon Master paying my rent, and gas money besides, though I want to work and I want to repay Her for Her assistance, since I am Her slave and it would make me happy and feel much better to be able to reimburse Her for what expenditures I've caused Her to have to have me down here with Her.

I want to take this moment to assert that She is not the only One I love, although She is the only One that I am in love with.

There are two still alive whom I love as brothers -- Sir Kaleb, a new addition to my life, as well as Sir James, my Silver Star and my Guiding Light. I love you, Sir Kaleb, and I love you, Sir James.

There are many whom I love as sisters. Little Miss Megan, who is like a little sister to me,  and so many "big sisters" in my heart, I love you. Miss Kerrianne, Miss Emily, Miss Sarah, Miss Emily (second one), Miss Alexandra, Miss Heather, Miss Sabrina, Miss Lena, Miss Mary, and Miss Erica, I love all of you very much, every one of you.

This weekend will probably be pretty boring, unless someone decides that they want to visit me at Random House. I've filled out an application for a call center that may be coming to Clarksville, and if that works out, I'll be making $10.00 an hour, which would be great, though I'm applying for a day position, since Master has given me a bedtime and I also want the latter part of my day free, all the same. I also am putting in an application at a local fabric store that's always accepting applications in a "no promises" kind of context.


Still waiting for Master to feel well enough to get me to Her lawyer to get me on the Social Security Disability thing. I am also waiting for Master to get me to the lawyer and notary to get a notarized transfer of ownership to place myself properly in Her possession, where I belong.


I look forward to that. There's so many things that I am looking forward to now that I am down here and with Her where I was meant to be.


I Love You Master, with all of my heart and every fiber of my being.
There is no part of me that does not love every part of You, Master.
I Trust You Master, with my heart and with my health and with my life.
I am Yours Master, and I am indescribably grateful for that privilege.
I have Faith in You Master, for You are the One Who has saved me.


- Protected Slave and Property of the Magnificent Miss_Misanthropy,
Privileged to be Master's Adoring Pet Whore, Phee

Wednesday, 18 January, 2012.

So I forgot my cell phone the other day, I literally do not have it with me anymore. I left it either in the dormitories at A. P. S. U. or in Master's car, and I don't remember which one of those it would have been. It might even be in Miss Sarah's car because we did ride in her car, last weekend, as well. I haven't had my cell phone in a couple of days, so I really miss hearing from Master since it's really Our primary connective instrument. It's what keeps Us in touch with each other, especially because of the PIPA/SOPA blackout that's coming to warn us of what PIPA/SOPA would do - silence the full breadth of the internet in the United States the same way the Chinese government does it - if PIPA or SOPA should manage to get passed. One of these bills has already been defeated, but there is still another that needs to be handled and to be shut down - permanently - before we as Americans lose some of our constitutionally-asserted rights.

The United States Senate's Protect Intellectual Property Act and the United States House of Representatives' Stop Online Piracy Act, while having wonderful names, would negatively influence the free trade of thoughts, ideas and information online in social networking domains such as, for instance, Facebook, FetLife, MySpace, and others. It would furthermore potentially cut off access to such sites as YouTube and Wikipedia to all Americans, because the media corporations are at present seeking to put their rights and privileges about those of the populous whole. While there is a need for legislation to outlaw online piracy and there is a need to update the laws defending our intellectual property as it were, the billings for PIPA and SOPA are not it and must not be allowed to pass. One of these has already been silenced by the outcry of outrage by the online community but the other remains strong and we as a world community must show our disgust for this legislation & voice our opposition to any congressional representative or senator foolhardy enough to make the attempt at destroying our fundamental right to free speech and the free exchange of thoughts, and ideas, and other such things along those lines. Yes, copyright laws need to be updated. These two Acts, however, are not the appropriate solution. It has been compared to solving the abortion debate by outlawing pregnancy.

In other news, however, Master and I may be going to a party tonight, although She has two doctor's appointments today which means that there may be a delay in our ability to attend, but it's also planned to last from 6 PM to 3 AM so if She is feeling well enough at any point in this evening, we'll be able to attend for a couple of hours anyway. I really hope that Master will be feeling up to it. Of course, that isn't because the party's particularly important to me, it's the time I get to spend with Master that makes me feel optimistic that She might be feeling up to attending the party tonight. On FetLife's events list, She clicked "Maybe Going" on it, so I did, too. I'm cautiously optimistic, but I'm aware that We might not see much of each other for another couple of days, after a full weekend of togetherness, because of Her varied health problems.

Master says that I am a very strong empath with a very bright rainbow aura, and Miss Sarah says I have an elemental core which is likewise remarkably balanced. I need to find an empath that She trusts who can teach me how to use my empathic abilities, as such, because I wish to be able to use those abilities to make Master feel better in any way that I am able to do so.

I Love You Master, with all of my heart and every fiber of my being.
There is no part of me that does not love every part of You, Master.
I Trust You Master, with my heart and with my health and with my life.
I am Yours for as long as You will have me in Your service, Master.


You are the Bright and Beautiful Sky above, and for the blessed privilege of being Your slave, I say, again, thank You. You have saved my life, and made it better than I could have ever even imagined.


- In love and devotion,
- Protected Slave and Property of the Magnificent Miss_Misanthropy,
Privileged to be Master's Adoring Pet Whore, Phee

Monday, 16 January, 2012

Okay, so I missed the normal update schedule for a few days. Sorry about that, Master ambushed me with a romantic weekend with friends. I had my first experience on the borderline of sub-space, though, over the weekend, because of the amazing Miss Lena, who scratched my legs to the point that I almost passed out from the spiritual and emotional high that it produced because we were at the hooka bar and the hooka smoke really heightened the experience for me. I really like that.

Master and I basically stayed two nights at Miss Lena and Miss Sarah's dormitory on the campus of A. P. S. U. -- that's Austin Peay State University -- and the four of us shared one room with three beds. I had a lot of fun there, Miss Sarah did not play with me all that much but Miss Lena did so on a couple of occasions. As much as I love Miss Tammy and Sir Sam, and as much fun as Sir Nate is (or can be) to talk to for some pretty interesting conversations on historical or military topics, it was nevertheless really nice and very enjoyable to spend a weekend with Miss Lena and Miss Sarah and to be in 24-hour-a-day proximity to Master.

The weekend did not go as planned. It was not a bad weekend, but nor was it as good as it could have been. There are a number of things that I am looking forward to that have not yet happened, in spite of that both Master and I have been very much eager to get to it. We haven't had the chance -- either something came up and got in the way, or Master was not feeling well enough for it, or wasn't in the right mood for it.


That's natural, it's understandable, and I'm completely okay with the fact that She wasn't ready yet. I waited eight years to be Her slave, I waited ten weeks to get to come down to Clarksville, waiting a few weeks to be able to be totally deflowered of all forms of kink virginity is acceptable to me, I am patient and I am not upset with Master. I am disappointed in the delays and disruptions which have been making us wait, but it is not Master's fault and therefore I cannot be upset with, disappointed in or otherwise blaming of Master for this. She's as eager and excited about this as I am, probably even moreso because She knows more than I do what to expect and what it's going to be like.


I've had my first sadomasochistic play session and there may have been some witnesses, but I'm not sure, since I was blindfolded and it was a great experience for me all the way around. I liked it, and I got some seriously good marks out of it besides that. However, we haven't gotten to do a lot of the other things that we have been wanting to do.


Master and I spent about 70 to 80 hours together, constantly in one another's company except for a couple dozen minutes or something like that when She sent us out to get some food for Her, from McDonald's. It was the best weekend in my life, I really loved being with Her for so long and for so much continuous connection. We also had breakfast at IHOP yesterday and I had one of the very best dining-out experiences I've ever had in my life. Everything just felt so right for the entire length of the weekend, at least for me, despite the drama and unexpected distractions and disruptions.


Master and I are still eagerly, enthusiastically looking forward to the energy-play, electricity-play, fire-play, needle-play, edge-play, blood-play, and maybe breath-play that I know that She enjoys. Not entirely sure which of those if any of them are things I'm going to be able to do and enjoy (other than the energy-play, which I anticipate being incredibly enjoyable to me), but they are all things that I really want to try because I know how She is and I know that She is looking forward to them and is going to enjoy them with me, and I am deeply committed to pleasuring and satisfying Her in every way that I am physically capable of doing it.


Everything is just so blissfully perfect here in Clarksville.


I Love You, Master, with all of my heart and every fiber of my being.
There is no part of me that does not love every part of You, Master.
I Trust You, Master, with my heart and with my health and with my life.
I am Devoted to You, Master, and I am Yours for as long as You will have me.
You are my Bright and Beautiful Sky, and I have unwavering Faith in You.


- Protected Slave and Property of the Magnificent Miss_Misanthropy,
Privileged to be Master's Adoring Pet Whore, Ophelia

Thursday, 12 January, 2012.

So last night we got to attend a munch, Master and Eric and I. It was fun, the three of Us went to the Chinese Buffet, I think the name of the place was "Crown of East" or something like that? I honestly don't remember, but we went to a friend's place for a play-party after the munch, they call it an after party, I think?

The after party was amazing. There were like 29 people at the January 11 Clarksville Kinksters Munch, and the munch was fun, there were a lot of nice people to talk to, though I stuck real close near Master because I'm sociophobic and agoraphobic, so attending the munch & the after-party was actually a big step for me.

At the after-party, I got to rest and enjoy the company of two of my amazing Protectors, Master, and a total of about fourteen to sixteen people who showed up for the after-party who'd also been there at the Munch. It was really nice experience.

Master also introduced me to some of the toys that She uses for sadomasochistic play. Since I was blindfolded, I didn't really know what I was being hit with most of the time, but there were a few things that I recognized the sensory feel and connected it to the mental image of it since I'd seen it before, as I've seen all of the sadomasochistic play-toys that She has.

She tested out two different paddles, a spiked roller, a furry thing that felt like it had claws in it, the kind that scratch but don't damage the skin in the course of doing so, two different kinds of floggers before the really good one which is my favourite toy. The Purple Rose Flogger, is what that toy is called, it was one of the ones that I recognized immediately when it hit me because it just looked like it had such a distinctive feel to it when it hits you, and I was right.

It's a combination of stinging pain, because it's a flogger, and thudding pain, because every single one of the flogger-strands ends with an inch-and-a-half-diameter rosebud of heavy purple leather, so it THUNKS into you with a sharp-edged stinging impact. I love it, since I like both the stinging and the thudding pains.

Anyway, this has been the best several days of my life and I go to bed each night eagerly waiting for the next day to come because now I have a life that's truly well worth living.

I Love You Master, with all of my heart and every fiber of my being.
I Trust You Master, with my heart and with my health and with my life.
I have Faith in You Master, You Who make me feel joy, safety, and love.
I am Devoted to You Master, You Who make me feel truly appreciated.
I am Yours, Master, because You make me feel admired and respected.


- Protected Slave and Property of the Magnificent Miss_Misanthropy,
Privileged to be Master's Adoring Pet Whore, Phee

Tuesday, 10 January, 2012.

Miss Tammy and Sir Sam are amazing hosts, I feel more accepted, respected and approved of at Random House (their home) than I've ever felt anywhere else. I am so happy to be here, now that I live in Clarksville, Tennessee. Master and I get to spend some time together, probably later today, so I'll want to be clean, shaven and rested up for that. I doubt we're going to get play-time because She's still recovering from certain things, but, every day She feels better than She did the day prior, and She told me that I make Her feel complete. I've never been told something like that before, and most especially not by someone for Whom I feel the complete and total dedication and deep love I feel for Her.

Hopefully there will be playtime for Master and I before the end of the day, even if nothing intimate, I am eagerly awaiting the sadomasochistic breaking-in. There's a toy I really want to try for what She calls "super masochists," which made Her think of me immediately on thinking of it in that context, I really want to try it out but Master said not yet, She has to break me in slowly and see just what kind of warmup I need (should I need a warmup at all, that is) to be able to take it. I'm not sure what level of warmup I'd need, but I'll concede to Her far greater experience that I probably need to be given a warmup before getting beat with the Purple Rose, but I'm anxiously awaiting it.

Miss Tammy is amazing, and she is a really good cook. I like her and I like spending time around her, and she gave me a big hug the other day, which was awesome. I love hugging and touching, I had developed a pretty severe haphephobia -- a fear of, aversion toward or just discrimination against being touched, though I really LIKE hugging and touching of all kinds, because my home life in my last place of residence severely discouraged any kind of skin contact for any length of time and made me feel bad about wanting to give people hugs. I love where I live, now, I feel so much more comfortable, approved, happy, and like if I want to give someone a hug, I can ask & that would be okay.

Thanks to my move, I'm definitely beginning to overcome my haphephobic issues, which makes me happy because I like being able to feel comfortable with touch, it's good for you, and Master spent a lot of time petting me as I knelt beside Her, during Our first time being able to be in each other's presence. It was ... screw it, it was fucking magical is what it was.

I felt whole and Home for the first time in my life.

I Love You Master, with all of my heart and every fiber of my being.
I Trust You Master, with my heart and with my health and with my life.
It brings me great Joy to be so near to You, living in the same city.
You are my Bright and Beautiful Sky, and I think of You every time I look up.

- Protected Slave and Property of the Magnificent Miss_Misanthropy,
Privileged to be Master's Adoring Pet Whore, Ophelia

Sunday, 8 January, 2012.

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Thursday, 5 January, 2012.

Today is the last day of my life -- in New Jersey.


Tomorrow morning, bright and early, the train will be pulling out of the station and I will be on that train.


Literally 95% of what I own is currently safely stored in the back of my Jeep. I didn't think it would all fit. If I had to have room for my dog, it wouldn't. That's pretty much the only reason I'm allowing my adoptive parents to accompany me down to Tennessee is because I don't really have a choice in the matter.


I mean... Yes. I want them to see where I'm going to be living because it is important to them.
And, also yes. I want them to meet the wonderful couple I am going to be living with, and to be able to meet Master and Her fiancee, for whom I'm going down to Tennessee to be Her slave. I don't want any trouble, basically, though once I am down there, Master will be in absolute total control over everything including my communication with my adoptive parents. She is Master. It really is up to Her how often I talk to them - whether it be "getting" to or "having" to, depending entirely upon the nature of the relationship we maintain and how she acts on the phone with me since Master will have absolute access to always know the entire content of the conversations. I've got no secrets from Master, none at all. Her Arms are my Home. As long as I am with Her, I am where I belong, whether I am on my knees or in Her Arms or something else, I am where I'm meant to be as long as I'm with Her.


... but even so.


The main reason that I am allowing my adoptive parents to come along is basically the lack of me having a choice in the matter.


For one thing, I need their assistance this one last time.


More importantly than that, Master forbade me to drive on a national highway since I've never done it before, or made a 715-mile drive before, and She forbade me from this being the first time since I haven't done it before, and She was worried that something bad might happen to me while I am all by myself. She is such a loving, protective Owner, I'm really blessed to have Her in my life and to be worthy of Her collar, which I am very much looking forward to wearing.


I am Her pet. I am Her slave. I am Her property. I am Her little girl. I am Her toy. I am Her bitch. I am Her slut. I am Her whore.


I would not have it any other way. These statements make me smile, they make me happy, they make me giggly, even.


This is a very different lifestyle than what most people live, and I realize this.


This is a very different lifestyle than conservative people tend to live, and I know that, too.


I do not have anything against people who live a conservative lifestyle.


It is their solemn right to live a lifestyle that is in accordance with their spiritual beliefs and which works for them.


Just don't condemn me for my lifestyle, and I won't condemn you for yours, is how I feel about it.


Master will be ensuring my emotional, spiritual, physical, nutritional and sexual health, and She's promised that I will never be homeless or destitute.


I could ask for no more than that, that is an amazing promise and She's undertaking a very high level of responsibility for ensuring and protecting my future, and protecting my self, as well.


I will hear no ill spoken of Her, for She is indescribably extraordinary, and I am blessed, honoured, flattered, privileged, and ecstatic to belong to such a remarkably beautiful phenomenon as She is.


Plus, tomorrow night, I should be able to announce my blog on my Facebook page and that shall mean a lot more people seeing just how much I Love Her.


And now this last part is purely for Master, though I am proud of it so it is available for all to see.


I Love You, Master, with all of my heart and with every fiber of my being.
There is no part of me that does not love every part of You, Master-love.
I Trust You, Master, with my health and with my heart and with my life.
I have absolute Faith in You, Master, You always have my best in mind.


- Protected Slave and Property of the Magnificent Miss_Misanthropy,
Privileged to be Master's Adoring Pet Whore, Ophelia