Friday, 30 December, 2011.

So there's good and there's bad. Kind of a given, right?


I'll start with the bad stuff. It's nice to end on a high note, after all, right?


Bad
Not the colour blue, mind you. I like blue, it's my favorite colour actually, which may lead to the very legitimate question, then why the fuck is my blog pink and purple? This is a tangential commentary and not really a bad, I'll get to that in like two seconds, but it's pink and purple because I'm eleven years old, emotionally, and what colour do you expect an eleven-year-old's blog to be if an eleven-year-old had a blog?


Let's start with the big thing. It feels appropriate.
I'm still living here in the first place. I consider this a definite negative.


I'm not allowed to wear dresses or skirts or anything like that "under his roof."


Every day, one of my adoptive parents find something bad to say about me in general, about me moving in general, about me moving to Tennessee, about Tennessee in general, or sometimes a few of those things.


Some days, they both harp about something, sometimes the same thing.


Someone on my Facebook and FetLife friends lists removed me from their friends list and simply stopped responding to my messages after I responded to something. I get the feeling that being a little such as I am, an adult little I mean, is problematic for her because of the way that I feel things. I feel sharp, strong emotional sensations, and I have an apparently unfortunate tendency for sharing those things with other people. It "clogs" their "feed," on FetLife, apparently? My confusion here is that my friend said I was "too focused on Master" and "too in love with Master," knowing that quite frankly I don't have the privilege of living in a Master/slave situation like I want to and she does, as the slave herself, so she seems to have forgotten that eager, deliriously-happy stage. The problem here is the confusion this brings me. When I am upset, I tend to make a somewhat venting post in my status updates, and I began to feel guilty about doing that because she'd say that what I did on that was, essentially, whining. So I've gone from being "too whiny" to "too happy/too in love." I am feeling confused by this.


Good
At least there are a number of positive things to speak about, here, too. Today's overall a better day, because I did get to talk to Master this morning.


My adoptive parents are starting to try to compensate. It's very little and it's very late, but they're at least trying. Master's appropriately disgusted with them, but I'm not going to turn them down. I have been promised a sizable shopping trip to get new clothes of my liking - meaning every piece will be women's clothing, there's going to be a number of skirts and dresses in that list, I solemnly swear, or I'm going to make a huge fuss about it right there in the store. They promised clothes, it better be good stuff from J. C. Penney's that I actually mean to wear at some point. I guarantee, I accept nothing less than dresses or I'm not going. They've also promised me a fresh new haircut, before I leave, from JCP's beauty parlor thing, there's a couple good hairdressers there when I was working there, not sure if they're there anymore. Hopefully!


I have been promised $100 on the day I leave. I'm ignoring the purpose they're intending it for, I'm taking the money and keeping it. I'm not stupid. $100 is a nice bill to be given in this economy, I don't really care what their situation is. Maybe it's harsh, but I let my adoptive father have a free lease on my Jeep for 6 years. He drove it free for 72 months. He paid $12,000 of the $19,000 the Jeep cost, because he enjoyed driving it, but the point is that if he wanted to press the monetary issue, he'd still owe me $9,600 even if the lease was only $300 a month, which I think for a 2003 Jeep (with a lease starting in basically 2005, at that) would've been incredibly reasonably priced, and it'd also add up to $21,600. So he'd still owe me $9,600, I'm going to let it go, though, since I don't want to spend $9,600 on a lawyer to GET $9,600. That'd be vindictive, since I wouldn't really be getting anything out of it in the long run.


My Jeep is now in perfect running condition again.


My Labra'pei has now been definitely given her microchip. Doggy Lo-Jack, check!
I call her a Labra'pei because she seems to be one-eighth Shar'pei and seven-eighths Golden Labrador. Labra'pei seems to be an appropriate name. They just throw Labra on everything else, after all, when it's part Labrador. So, whatever. At least she's not a Labradoodle, that just sounds like something a kid did during kindergarten. xD LOL JK Labradoodle owners, your dogs are so cute, I wish I had one.


Almost all of my things are packed.
Except my trading cards - I need to get some tins for that - most of my clothes, except whatever I get at J. C. Penney and a few other things that I haven't packed yet because I'd like to have some stuff to wear between now and the day I leave. Beginning to think about renting a U-haul and going down there on my own with printed-out directions to Clarksville, finding a distinctive café, parking in the parking lot and going inside to get a cup of coffee and ask to use their phone to make a call and let Master know I'm in town, I'm at such and such a place on such and such a street, and to please send someone to come get me and bring me home because little girl will be fucking lost in Clarksville until she learns her way around.


I want to wait for people to come up and get me, because I don't necessarily want to make this kind of drive all by myself and on written instructions, no less. Of course, I could just find one of the highways that actually GOES from New Jersey to Tennessee, and follow it until I see the big old sign that says, "Welcome to Tennessee!" and then stop and call from there and be like. Yeah, I'm on the side of the road on this road looking up at the welcome sign on Tennessee's front door. Come get me and guide me home? I don't want to be a burden, and I figure that if I can get myself to the north-central border of Tennessee, I'd be close enough to home that then She could come get me. I'm going to have to discuss it with Her, but as soon as I have all of it packed, I'm seriously thinking I'm going to want to just get the fuck out of Dodge City before anything happens to stop me.


Oh, well.


I Love You, Master, with all of my heart and every fiber of my being.
There is no part of me that does not love every part of You, Master.
I Trust You, Master, with my heart, with my health, and with my life.
I am Yours, Master, for as long as You will allow me to be Your pet.


- Protected Slave and Property of the Magnificent Miss_Misanthropy,
Privileged to be Master's Adoring Pet Whore, Phee

Wednesday, 28 December, 2011.

I have managed to start my packing, and have managed to get five technically six boxes packed. I say "technically six" because I put my X-Box 360 Kinect back into the box it came in. I'll be putting the Wii back in its' box soon, too, just because I don't want to leave it behind. I like the Wii and the X-Box 360, both. I've managed to pack 90% of my books, 98% of my CDs except the X-Box 360 game that I play the most often. I'll save packing the television, the X-Box 360, & Need For Speed: Carbon, until the day they're coming, for the sake of keeping things relatively simple. I don't want to give up playing it until the day I'm leaving, it's my way out of uncomfortable situations: just go play it and let it tune out everything else in the whole world except the sound of the telephone. Just in case Master's calling, I pay attention to the telephone ringing. It's almost never actually Her, but when it is I answer immediately and pause the game.


Adoptive mother said that they're not going to like me when they see how much I'm bringing with... how annoying. No they aren't. They know I'm 30 years old and they know how many things you tend to accumulate in 30 years that you like enough to take it with you when you move. I have figurines, I have a number of things I've gotten as gifts from people trying to buy my love when they cannot give me the one thing -- acceptance -- so I'm going to take this stuff with me. It's thousands of dollars of figurines, probably at least $2,000 in figurines. You know that if they had spent less buying my love & more time being accepting enough to spend that money on surgeries, I'd be halfway to femininity for my anatomical correctness.


Oh, well.


I'm not going to complain.


Why not?


Because I have a Master Who Loves me so much that She tells me so on a regular basis and in spite of being sick She has been keeping in touch with Her pet on a daily or almost-daily basis & making sure I know how much I mean to Her. This is something that She does not have to do but She does it anyway, knowing how much it means to me to know that I am on Her mind even while She is unwell. I miss Her, I love Her, I need Her, She is Master.


I doubt that I will be able to see all of the people in my life that I love in New Jersey before I leave, it makes me sad, but I have to go, I can't stay for that, they wouldn't want me to do that. I hope Master will let us come back up to New Jersey in the summer for a picnic to introduce Her to all of the most important people in my life. I really want them to meet Her, and I know She wants to meet them, too.


I Love You Master, with all of my heart and every fiber of my being.
I Love You Master, with everything that I am.
I Trust You Master, with my heart, my health, my life.
I have absolute Faith in You Master, You won't need to explain Yourself to me.
I am Yours, Master, for as long as You will allow me to be Your property.


- Protected Slave and Property of the Magnificent Miss_Misanthropy,
Privileged to be Master's Adoring Pet Whore, Ophelia or Phee

Monday, 26 December, 2011.

I am really looking forward to my training. I've gotten to talk to Master a lot lately, and She's agreed to video-log some of our play, I think She's planning to video-log most of my training, but She's said that there are going to be things that are private. I don't know if that'll apply to things included in my training, but it might. I am looking forward to posting the videos, though, at least on FetLife so that all of my friends, there, would be able to enjoy the sight of my training and observing my progress. I have no shame, I don't mind if a friend of mine that I've known for years wants to watch one of those training videos. I'll be proud of my progress, and proud of how I've done in my training, after all, why should I be ashamed to share that with a friend if they want to watch it?


I got to talk to Her this morning for 24 minutes. It was wonderful.
It was like 24 minutes in a tropical paradise.


Hearing Her Voice is like being in heaven, for me. Nothing else matters when I can hear Her Voice in my ears. There are a lot of protocols in the Master/slave dynamic that She's choosing not to use, in our relationship as Master and slave, possibly because of the fact that we've been friends for just about eight years, according to what Master said to me on the phone recently.  My memory isn't all that great with some things, so if She says eight years, then eight it must have been. I was relatively confident in seven, but eight's close enough that I find it believable that it was eight years, y'know?


Whatever the case, I'm thankful to Master for allowing me to have some of the things that would be normally taken away in the conventional Master/slave relationship. For instance, I get to continue to capitalize my own pronouns. I am respected, I am admired, I am appreciated, She does not want it for me to lose these feelings by having to lower-case my pronouns, including the capitalization of it when I say "I" in a sentence, as I've been doing.


Some slaves are required to type their names and pronouns in lower-case, even at the beginning of a sentence, but Master and I are both fans of the English language, and She makes me feel so important and worthy. I think that's why I get to keep capitalizing my pronouns. I realize that it's very much a gift from Master, and one that I am deeply thankful for, but it's a gift and it's something that She can take away if I disappoint Her or misbehave.


There are other things that are found in the "conventional" Master/slave relationship which I may or may not be comfortable with but which are thus far not a part of our dynamic. However, they will not be things that are going to remain out of our dynamic forever, necessarily, as Master is drafting up our slave-contract, wherein I will get to sign myself into Her possession for as long as I wish to be a piece of property in Her ownership. I expect this contract to be binding for the rest of my life, since I cannot imagine a day where I would not wish to be Her property, wherein that would not grant me a feeling of great personal comfort. I want to be with Her for the rest of my life, and to serve Her. She makes me feel so good about myself, so safe and so self-confident, I can't imagine a day wherein I would leave Her voluntarily.


I Love You Master, with all of my heart and every fiber of my being.
There is no part of me that does not love every part of You, Master.
I Trust You, Master -- with my heart, with my safety, and with my life.
I am devoted to You Master, for You are my last thought at night.
I am Yours Master, for You are my first thought whenever I wake up.


- Protected Slave and Property of the Magnificent Miss_Misanthropy,
Privileged to be Master's Adoring Pet Whore, Ophelia

Saturday, 24 December, 2011.

Okay, so in the last few days, I've been suffering some moderate medical complaints. I have got a migraine again, and I have lately begun to experience minor insomnia. It's been taking me like two hours to fall asleep, even though I manage to get in bed on time for the last few nights. Ever since She voiced a little bit of disappointment in my not being in bed on time, I've been careful about the watching of the clock to make sure that I'm actually in bed when I'm supposed to be. Unfortunately, in bed doesn't mean sleeping, I've discovered, and last night I kept waking up and falling asleep & waking up and falling asleep & waking up and falling asleep. I think I woke up at least 4 times last night but I went to bed at 10:03 PM (3 minutes late... sorry Master!) and I managed to sleep all the way until somewhere between 9:00 AM and 10:00 AM.


Either way, there's good things going on, too, in my life.


I have friends whom I love and adore, many of whom are going to be let in on this blog's existence in about 3 weeks, or whenever I get down with Master.


All of my friends from Middle School are happy for me. I love them so much, they've been so utterly wonderful about this.


All three of my female friends from 4-H are happy for me. I love them so much, and see the three of them as being like sisters to me. I'd consider all three of them big sisters, since I'm a "little," as the terminology goes, since I am still emotionally an eleven-year-old. Master will be working with on it, working to get me to an "older" age in my emotional strength and stability.


I recently reconnected with my best friend from J. C. Penney from when I was working there. I love her so much, she's just absolutely amazing. She's one of only two people I keep in touch with, both of them are beautiful and are very kind to me, and both of them know that I am a slave and they are both happy for me because of the joy that Master has brought to Her little girl's life.


I hope that everyone has had a beautiful, wonderful month full of sparkly, glittery feelings, happy memories and many things that shimmer and shine.


I love You, Master, with all of my heart and every fiber of my being.
I love You, Master, as much as I have ever loved anyone in my life.
There is no part of me that does not love every part of You, Master.
I trust You with my heart, my health, my safety, and my life, Master.
I have unwavering faith in You, Master, because You saved my life.
I am devoted to being as obedient to You as I can, because You allowed me to have hope again.


- Protected Slave and Property of the Magnificent Miss_Misanthropy,
Privileged to be Master's Adoring Pet Whore, Phee

Thursday, 22 December, 2011.

I am beginning to think that it might have been a mistake to tell my adoptive mother that I'm actually planning to move and that I should have just told her the day that people were going to be arriving & helping me pack me things. My adoptive father is angry that I am taking my Jeep, which he paid all of the insurance for and which he paid $12,000 of the $19,000 price-tag on. I don't get why he's so angry about it. He's the one that has been driving it for approximately the last six years, every day, I think that kind of mitigates paying the insurance since he's the one that's gotten the benefits out of that. Let's assume that a reasonable monthly payment for a custom-colour 2003 Jeep Liberty (this is a Cactus Green vehicle) would be $300 -- a 72-month lease would be a total of $21,600 so if he wants to nickel-and-dime me, he'd owe me $9,600.00 and I am going to politely allow him to keep that money and just take my Jeep. I know that I will be loved, cared for and supported by some of the people down there, and that the broad majority will accept me without complaint or hesitation.


My adoptive mother has been very patronizing, or at least it feels as if she has been patronizing in the last several days since telling her that I am planning to move out in January, hopefully in earlier portions of the month.


She has literally asked me three times if I was intending to take my dog, and said one time that I shouldn't take my dog. She does not even like my dog, and if I don't take my dog with me, I have absolutely no doubt whatsoever that she would be put down. Seriously, are you taking your dog? Who the hell doesn't take their dog with them when they move?


She has literally brought up paying for gas money, paying for insurance, has "reminded" me three times that you cannot drive a vehicle on the road if you don't have insurance and twice "reminded" me that if it isn't running I can't drive it on the road. Seriously? You think that I don't know that a car has to be running to be able to drive it? You think that just because I haven't driven in a few years, I'm not aware of the fact that a vehicle needs insurance to be legal on the road? How stupid do you think I am? Good God.


The list goes on and on, I'm not going to bother anyone who reads this with the whole grand list of the details, but sufficed to say... I hate it when people get condescending with me. It's so rude. I'm planning on handing over total control of my communication with my adoptive family to Master, for Her to decide when I have to talk to them. They want me to keep in touch, but I've got no desire to keep in touch with them on a regular basis... if I am forced to call them four times a year, I can take that, but I don't want to.


In positive news, I've been thinking more about Master than about the adoptive family, and some of the things that I think of just make me giggly and happy, and put this childlike grin on my face as I'm giggling and laying on my back because I can't quite sit up. It isn't normal stuff that She says, but it's stuff that makes me feel good.


Like for instance, She would never call me a "dirty worthless bitch," because that's mean and nasty and She isn't likes that. However, She has called me a pretty little bitch before, and She has said to others, "Yes, she's a bitch, but she's *My* bitch." Just thinking about those things makes me fall on my bed giggling and grinning and feeling happy.


I love You Master, with all of my heart and every fiber of my being.
I love You Master, as much as I've ever loved anyone.
I trust You Master, I have absolute faith in You, I will only question Your rules if I don't understand.
I am devoted to You Master, thank You for allowing me the privilege of being Your property.
I will obey You to the best of my ability Master, thank You for being patient and forgiving when I fail.
I will do everything I can to minimize my failures and to reflect well upon You, beloved Master.


- Protected Slave and Property of the Magnificent Miss_Misanthropy,
Privileged to be Master's Adoring Pet Whore, Ophelia

Tuesday, 20 December, 2011.

So Master has told me that She has been working on writing up a contract containing all rules that She would wish for me to obey once we are together. It honours me deeply to know that She loves me so much that She's not only been weaving a collar for me, by hand, but has been working upon a very real contract of ownership at least since I mentioned wanting one. I want to be Her property, for the simple sake of that She takes Her responsibilities to me as Her slave, very seriously. She's undertaken a lot of responsibility with Her ownership of me, because being a friend is not nearly as much work as being Master. There are things She gets out of this which She very much enjoys, but it is still a great deal of responsibility that She is accepting in taking care of me as part of the deal. It's very much a two-way street.


It makes me really happy to know that I hold a position of such importance to Her, though at times I feel like I may not necessarily deserve it. I've been struggling with two of the rules, one of which is a new one and a concession that I offered freely. I enjoy it, it's about capitalizing Her pronouns, but it is something that takes some struggling to get accustomed to, since I've never capitalized others' pronouns before. However, it is a convention of the community and it's a protocol in a Master/slave dynamic. Most importantly, it is something that She wants, so I am going to do it for Her because I love Her, and therefore, I love capitalizing Her, as it were. The other one is the bedtime. I love that I have a bedtime again, from Someone that I love, respect, admire, and seek to honour and obey. I don't know why I've been having trouble getting to bed on time, but I think I'm going to start going to bed a little bit early to make it up to her, and to make sure that I'm actually in bed at Her appointed time.


Although She does grant me some leeway on the exactitude of bedtime for some things... if when it reached 10 PM, I was role-playing, reading a book, playing a video game, talking with someone in a very important conversation, or working on creative expression, it is all right for me to stay up just a little bit past my bedtime. She didn't get upset with me when I waited up for Her for several hours, either, out of worry for Her, because She knows how important She is to me. I have trouble getting to sleep when I am deeply worried about someone, especially when it's not just any someone, but the Master Who Owns me.


Still, I've been brushing into that leeway more often than not, and it is beginning to irk Her a little bit that I seem to always push my bedtime by 25 to 50 minutes before actually going to bed. She does ask, and I confess that I didn't get in bed exactly on-time, and even though I did have an explanation for why I was not in bed... again, I have to realize that explanations are not excuses, no matter if the explanation is rational, it doesn't make for a legitimate excuse. I think I will start going to bed 15 or so minutes early for a while, to make it up to her, before trying to get used to the sharpness of that 10 PM deadline. I don't know why I'm having trouble with it. I like having a bedtime. I like having one given me by Someone that I have such strong feelings for as I do for Her, so I'm having trouble with understanding why I'm having such an issue with getting to bed at Her appointed time.


I know that She wouldn't be mad if it were for creative expression, if inspiration had struck me at 9:45 PM and I was vigorously tapping away for 3 hours. If She then signed on and asked what I was doing up so far after my bedtime, and I told Her that I'd been struck by inspiration and had to transcribe into text all that had suddenly flooded into my brain, She would totally understand. She respects my creative aspirations and my need for creative expression. That isn't what has been happening, though.


I've been getting caught up in a video game that I'm trying to totally ace (using that term since it is a World War 2 Fighter Pilot game on X-Box 360), or getting into a deep conversation, or getting into some discussion on FetLife that ends up keeping me awake for half to three-quarters of an hour, in spite of knowing what time it is. I felt really, really guilty when She came online and was legitimately irked that Her little girl hadn't gone to bed on time. I'd been discussing something with someone on Facebook, explaining my situation and how much happier and more comfortable it's made me, but that's not an excuse. I should have excused myself to go to bed on time, but I failed to.


I went to bed within a few minutes of Her telling me to shortly after She signed on. She forgave me, but I could tell She was still disappointed, and my heart ached with the feelings that causes in me. I laid awake kind of beating myself up for it for an hour, probably, before I finally managing to get to sleep. I hate disappointing Her. She's done so much for me. I felt like such a bad little girl. I still do, to some extent, but a good night sleep once I finally fell asleep really alleviates a lot, especially as I know that She will always forgive me, but forgiveness doesn't mean I don't get punished. I need to be punished when I do something bad, because Master does not want a bad little girl, and I want to be the best little girl I can for Her.


I love You, Master, with all of my heart and every fiber of my being.
I love You, Master, as much as I have ever loved anyone.
I am sorry for disappointing You, Master.
Thank You for forgiving me, Master.
I promise that I will try harder to be a good girl.
Thank You for being patient with me, Master.
Thank You for allowing me to be Your property.


- Protected Slave and Property of the Magnificent Miss_Misanthropy,
Privileged to be Master's Adoring Pet Whore, Ophelia

Sunday, 18 December, 2011.

Okay, I feel like there's a number of things that bear mentioning, today, and mostly good news, at that. So let me just get this out of my system before I really get into the swing of my blog entry...


YAY!!!


All right, now that I've gotten that out of my system, maybe I should share some of the causes of my childlike exuberance. I am fairly certain that Master actually likes the childlike exuberance, so there is always the justification that being exuberant isn't going to get me in trouble. She likes it when Her little girl is happy, and today, Her little girl is really happy, despite some ever-present negatives that I can't really escape yet. Like having woken up with a headache, or having a dog that whines when, and only when, my adoptive mother is around. I just want to say, Fawn is a very good dog, she is an incredible and sweet dog... except when my adoptive mother is around, which is when she whines, incessantly, and gets me yelled at and insulted. I get enough denigration and condescension on my own without your help, knock it off. I love you, but cut that shit out right now. Seriously.


However, there's positives! Lots of them, in my opinion, that make me absolutely ecstatic in a way I haven't been in two decades.


So where to begin? I think I'll begin with the phone call, since it's all thanks to Master in one way or another, and some of the subsequent feelings of excitement stem from certain things that She said, or shared, with me. I got to talk to Master for 8 minutes of absolute heaven. Her voice... ohh, wow. Her voice sets me at ease, it fills me with joy, it makes the whole world seem brighter, and cleaner. That right there was enough to neutralize a headache or two with just the happiness I felt no matter what else was going on.


In the course of the phone-call, however, She expressed very great confidence that I would be able to get down to Tennessee in January, and this makes me happier than I can remember being ever before in my life. Especially when She expressed confidence that I would be able to stay there, and that I wouldn't need to come back to my adoptive family except to get my stuff. That makes me just like, amazingly happy.


Then in the course of the phone-call, She also told me that She had bought some gifts for me. Okay, so there's only one of them that I'm actually going to put my hands on and touch it, the others... well, let's just say they're going to be touching me more than I'm going to be touching them. She got me a leather collar, and some toys She'll be able to use to play with me, and I'm looking forward to that with a lot of anticipation. I'm looking forward to a lot of things She's promised to do to me, though. I can't wait.


Then there's Eric. He's a positive because of Master as well, because if it were not for Master, I do not think I would have ever had the opportunity to know him. I have only really "known" him since the first of November, although I knew of him for years before that, he's Master's fiancee, and we have talked a few times online, and briefly on the phone. I'd like to talk to him on the phone some more, I guess, but I'm going to get to see and talk to him a lot in person. That's going to be great, because, I think I'm really starting to love him, too. Not in the same context as I love Master, of course, or at a bare minimum, not yet. Could I fall in love with him, too? I think so, he's just been a lovely, amazing person. He's been absolutely wonderful, he's made me feel welcomed, accepted, even invited into the dynamic and like I've been totally embraced by someone that did not have to accept me, even though they chose to do so. That is unfortunately more heartwarming than I have words to describe accurately, and he's a major part of what makes this such a comfortable relationship and situation, for me.


I've also been making a lot of good friends on FetLife. Out of respect, I won't put their actual names on here without them giving me express permission, but sufficed to say, they are just some of really the most amazing people. I've even met a couple of Satanists and that's really opened my eyes, it's dramatically altered my view of people like that, because I was ignorant about what Satanists were like before, having never met any. Now knowing a couple of them? I have a very positive view, even though I will admit to having only really ever spoken to one of them, a fellow slave-girl, but based on what she's told me about him? They are both amazing, beautiful people and I love them deeply and wish that the light of love, joy, and good fortune will shine upon them for all of the days of their lives. She is an absolutely extraordinary girl and he must be a positively wonderful person to be the man and the Master of her dreams.


I feel pretty much that way towards the Master who Owns me, as well, though. Everything that I have ever wanted and never thought I'd get to have, Master and my relationship with Master are that. The fact that She is never going to be in love with me does not bother me, because I am in love with Her, and She nurtures it. She is in love with Eric, and Eric is in love with Her, and that gives me incredibly strong feelings of satisfaction and pleasure, knowing that I'm entering a home that already has that much love in it. Knowing that I will be completely welcome in that home and that I can contribute to it in some way is very deeply fulfilling.


Master has also promised that we will get Her ownership officially notarized. I am sure that Eric will be the witness that signs it, and there's apparently a notary in the Clarksville Kink Community, so it will be entirely possible for me to get a contract drafted and notarized. It won't be as legally binding, for instance, as a marriage, but it will nevertheless be legally binding to some degree and that's all I want.


Of course, there are going to be conventions on both sides of the document, things that we'll both have to agree to, but for my side, the Needs section is going to be pretty short. There's not a lot I intend to ask for, because there's not a lot that's important to me in the context of demanding it, in this relationship. This relationship is something I want so much that there's not a lot that I feel I will be important to ask for, none of it is anything I need to ask for because She's already promised it, but having it in the contract document is still a good idea.


Of course, the things I list as my personal needs that must be met for me to continue to be Her slave are, all of them, things I've already been promised.


The Master promises to ensure the continued emotional, spiritual, nutritional, physical and sexual health of the slave.
The Master promises not to impede the voting rights of the slave.
The Master promises not to impede the creative expression of the slave.
The Master promises not to impede the slave's access to the internet.
The Master promises not to impede the slave's right to have a pet.
The Master promises to work on the slave's limits at a pace which is comfortable for the slave.


These are all things that I feel are important and these are all things that Master promised to me as absolute guarantees. These are some of the rights She considers to be inviolable and to be things that She just doesn't want to change about me or take away from me. These are also the rights that I absolutely do not want to give up, so it means we're very compatible because those that She doesn't want to take away are the ones I don't want to give away, anyway.


There's going to be a lot more discussion about whether or not there're any other things that She wants control over. She's set a few rules, and I am eagerly anticipating more of them being set in stone, so to speak, especially out of the ones that I'm operating under the assumption that they'll be rules and so I'm obeying the before She's even verified that they're absolute rules. Primarily, it is a matter of being extra-respectful to the people in my life who matter to me, the people that I'm able to genuinely say that I love. There're a number of them, and I address every single lady that I love with the honorific of Miss unless she specifically asks me not to. I want to be a good girl and I want to be respectful to the people I love and to the people who are respectful towards me, too. I am a slave, that does not mean I am to be disrespected, and I fully expect that not talking to any disrespectful people will probably be added to the rules list at some point in my future, probably relatively soon, all things considered.


For now, Master is thinking about the things She wants to control, and when we have an actually comprehensive list, we'll be able to get it all laid out in the contract what I agree to submit to and what I agree to surrender to Her. I am hoping that She won't be shy about it, because there's not really a whole lot that She could ask for that I wouldn't voluntarily and enthusiastically surrender to Her control. All I want is to be able to just be a little girl with a Master that I can trust, and these're two things I already have. I have a Master in whom I can put my unwavering trust and devotion, and She allows me to just be a happy little girl that I want to be.


I love you Master, with all of my heart and with every fiber of my being.
I love you Master, as much as I have ever loved anyone in my whole life.
I trust you Master, and I trust that you have my best interests in your heart.
I promise to ask questions if I need something explained to me, Master.
I promise that I will never knowingly do anything to displease or disappoint.
I know that I will make mistakes, and that you will forgive me. Thank you for that, Master.


- Protected Slave and Property of the Magnificent Miss_Misanthropy,
Privileged to be Master's Adoring Pet Whore, Phee

Friday, 16 December, 2011.

All right, I want to start by saying I am sorry that it took me until 2:21 PM EST for me to update this. I usually update my blog significantly earlier in my day. I did not get to bed until very late as result of Master having a medical appointment that seems to have gone well, and She did not have energy until well after midnight.


That said, it was worth the wait. I got to talk to Her on the phone, and it was 108 minutes of heaven. I haven't gotten to hear Her voice until this morning, since the health scare on Thanksgiving, except for a few minutes at a time.


She has taken control over some of the elements in my life. I told Her, there's only one thing that I'm unwilling to give up, and that's the right to vote and to vote in which way seems best to be. That's a thing She doesn't want control over, and She promised me, She will always respect me voting right, and will not tell me who to vote for or punish me for not voting for who She wants me to vote for. Of course, She will still know who I vote for because I have Asperger's and if She wants to know all She has to do is ask and I will tell Her. I am unashamed of who I intend to vote for or even those that I've voted for in the past.


I proudly declare that I would have voted for President William Jefferson Clinton both times. I voted for Barack Obama. I intend to vote for Barack Obama, again. As far as I am concerned, he's done lots of good things and I think that he's on the side of freedom and equality for all, including those of us that are pansexual or transgendered, and those of us in the Kink Culture & Kink Society.


Master and I talked for 108 minutes. As I said, it was sheer, unadulterated rapture.


She explained some things to me about my spiritual identity.


Master and Miss Angel have both told me that I have an amazingly-bright rainbow aura. I wasn't all that clear on what that meant, precisely, so .. I decided to ask, when the topic came up and I saw a chance to get a clear explanation of what it means. This is a paraphrase of the explanation I got.


A rainbow aura can have two very different meanings. It could mean there's something wrong with you, something that's bothering you, something that is harming or weakening you, like a sickness or a disease. That isn't the reason that you have a rainbow aura. You have the aura like an actual rainbow. It means you are all-loving, all-understanding and deeply sensitive, it means you have an aura of beauty, it means you have a beautiful soul.


She also said that I am a very strong empath and a heart fairy. I don't know what a heart fairy is, exactly, or what precisely that means, but the entire explanation brought tears to my eyes, I have never been praised as much as I have been in the last few weeks. Ever since the beginning of November of this year, I have felt more loved, accepted, appreciated, admired, respected, safe, happy and fulfilled, than I've ever felt in my life. I've had people in my life that love me, but I have never had so many people in my life who loved me so much and cared so much about me at all, honestly. I don't know what to think about it, honestly, but I like it. It feels nice to have people that love me, care about me, and are genuinely concerned, affectionate, maybe even protective, for that matter.


So there is an excellent chance of me being able to visit Master for some period of time in January and that will at least mean that there's a strong likelihood of Her getting to claim Her rightful property (my virginity). I am very eager for this, being a thirty-year-old virgin is simply not a pleasant thing for me at all. There is also a decent chance of me being able to not just visit Tennessee but stay there, in a more permanent manner. She knows someone that is willing to let me stay with him while I am visiting Her, and She knows someone else that is willing to let me live with him. It's something that's got to be worked out in a more concrete way, there's nothing that's a guarantee thus far.


I'll live wherever She's comfortable with me living, I just want to be closer to Her than a 715 mile drive away from Her. It is heartbreaking to be so far away from the person that I love so much, I want to be near Her, I want to be able to serve Her. I don't know how far away either of them are, but being there and being in the same community, that's all that matters to me. I don't mind putting down my mattress in a corner somewhere. It seems like there are a lot of nice people in the area. I'd happily live with any number of them that have room for me. All that matters to me is being near Master and being able to serve Her needs.


I hope they can figure out how to get me down there and make it possible for me to be able to stay permanently with Her for as long as She wants me. I will gladly be Her property for the rest of my life.


I love you Master, with all of my heart and every fiber of my being.
I love you Master, as much as I have ever loved anyone.
Thank you for allowing me to be your property, Master.


- Protected Slave and Property of the Magnificent Miss_Misanthropy,
Privileged to be Master's Adoring Pet Whore, Ophelia or Phee

Wednesday, 14 December, 2011.

So today is that "big day" that you never wanted to have get here but no matter what it was coming, dragging inexorably closer until it arrives and it's every bit as bad as you imagined it to be.


That's right. I am officially 30 years old today, biologically and intellectually. Emotionally, I'm still an eleven-year-old and that hasn't changed. Of course, there is a flip side to this coin.


I made it to thirty without pulling the plug. I guess that is an achievement, since I didn't really want to do so, but then again, now I feel so much better because I have a Master that loves me, I have very real likelihood of getting the transition surgeries thanks to Master and there's even a small chance I will be able to go down and be near Her in much less than the 10½ more months that we'd initially thought, based on circumstances of Her life. A couple of Her friends have been truly wonderful, one of them offered to help figure out the logistics of getting me and everything I need to take with me, down to Clarksville. Another one said that he was going to check to see if arrangements could be made for me to be housed, or what I call fostered since I'll get to be nearer Master but won't be yet living directly with Her, with him or perhaps one of Her other friends. I think they're trying to work out some way wherein it'd be logistically plausible to get me moved down there in January.


I can't even describe how much that means to me or how amazing it is to think that there're people who were even willing to consider the idea, much less potentially making it a reality. It'd be just very possibly the nicest thing in the world that anyone has ever done for me.


In other goods news, one of my most beloved childhood friends -- the one who was having a bit of trouble understanding the masochism and the consensual slavery -- has come around and I am so happy, because now she's starting to understand. She's one of the sweetest, gentlest, prettiest & smartest girls I know, so I wanted her to know everything about what makes me who I am, because I think it's something someone who cares for me as much as she does - unconditional love - simply deserves to know. It makes me incredibly happy, because this means that she'll be at my collaring ceremony, whenever I earn it.


She also doesn't seem to mind being addressed with a "Miss" before her name. This is good, as I think that Master would prefer her little girl to address my adult friends with a respectful honorific if at all possible, unless they specifically ask that I not do so. I'm still working on tentatively broaching that subject with some of them, but with a number of them, I've begun to put the "Miss" there, and it has been well-received, since they're beginning to understand enough about me to understand the reason it's important. I hope that I'll be able to do this with all of the females, and to put in a "Sir" for the males, unless there's some masculine honorific which they prefer.


It makes me feel better to address them like that, even in the case of those loved ones who happen to be younger than me, biologically, but are emotionally older than me, like one of the two ladies in Kansas who are like heart-sisters to me. One of them is nineteen. I still obediently put the Miss just ahead of her name, because I'm a slave and she's not, I'm eleven and she's an adult or at least she is older than I am, so Miss is the appropriate means by which to address her.


Anyway, I don't know if there's much else to say, today, except that I'm generally in a good, happy mood. I feel good, for turning one more year older. This is about the time when you start taking off years of your life, though, for most people. For me, I just have to confess to being 30 when people ask how old I am, since I can't really lie or anything like that.


I love you Master, with every fiber of my being, with every millimeter of my heart, I love you as much as I have ever loved anyone, Master. You make me feel safe, happy, confident and fulfilled. There are no words for how much you mean to me, for how much I love you, or for how highly I think of you.


- Protected Slave and Property of the Magnificent Miss_Misanthropy,
Privileged to be Master's Adoring Pet Whore, Ophelia or Phee

Monday, 12 December, 2011

I'm not really sure what I want to talk about right now. Maybe it'll come to me as I start talking, then, maybe, the words will just kind of "flow." I want to start by saying that it's a beautiful if also a bit of a frosty morning -- I woke up this morning, got out of bed and stretched my bare muscles, which are I admit freely and openly not what they could be, walked to the window and threw back the curtains. I stared out on the world before me, or at least this tiny little patch of it, with the grass glistening with frost, patches of green amidst the dead dull brown, and all of it sparkling with frost. I softly spoke a few words that have become sort of a morning mantra for me, before I even put on clothes (as I am someone who prefers the comfort of sleeping in the nude):


Good morning Master. I love you Master.


It is important to always remember that Master is an integral part of my world, and this is something I remember every time I look up at the sky. Why the sky, you ask? Well, it's fairly simple, everyone I consider heart-family has a place in my heart forever and several of them have nicknames for what I view them as being, to me. Jonozin (now in heaven, finally at peace) is the Golden Sun of my life, I felt happier when I talked to him than I'd ever felt before, he made me feel warm and loved, like this very long night was ending. He was one of the very first people to love me and accept me as-is, no complaints. I didn't know I was a slave at the time, he died well before I ever discovered that (on the Winter Solstice of 2009), but he was like a little brother to me. Or a big brother, I guess you maybe could call it, since I'm an eleven-year-old in some ways. Whatever. James is my Silver Star, I think of him anytime I see a really bright star that's kind of impossible to miss or lose. He's been guiding me to be gentler, kinder, more docile and unassuming, and less volatile. Master is my Bright Sky, I can't imagine a world without a sky, and I cannot imagine my life without Her in it.

I think that's all I really feel like saying today, though.

I love you Master, with every fiber of my being.

I'd give my life to return your body to full health.

I love you for thinking that that is sweet of me.

I also love you for telling me I better not do so.

I'll talk again on my impending birthday.

- Protected Slave and Property of the Magnificent Miss_Misanthropy,

Privileged to be Master's Adoring Pet Whore, Ophelia / Phee

Saturday, 10 December, 2011.

This morning is something of a mixed bag.


I got to talk to Master last night, which was -- as always -- something that made me feel this whole range of sensations that nobody else has ever given me. I felt sparkly, shimmery, glittery and shiny, like everything about me was just glowing.


Somewhere not too long before bed, Master told me to go to bed, and called me "little girl." That just made my heart soar, because I am a little girl, and specifically, I'm Her little girl. Now don't be thinking that I'm deranged or delusional, or that I don't realize how old I actually am. I very much do realize what my actual age is. Biologically and intellectually, I am just 4 days away from turning 30. Spiritually, I believe in reincarnation, I'm over 10,000 years old. However, in this life, I have had the kinds of experiences and been diagnosed with certain mental conditions (specifically, Asperger's Syndrome, Attention Deficit Disorder, and Hyperactivity) which make me in many ways a little girl, esp. emotionally. To be very specific, Master treats me like I am an eleven-year-old girl, and I very much enjoy that treatment, because it makes me feel good, it makes me feel safe.


Now, will I always feel, emotionally, as if I am an eleven-year-old? I may, I may not. Master may elect to "raise" Her little girl through the age range to bring me progressively closer to feeling as if I am an adult in some ways. There are some things about me which are always going to be childlike. As far as I know, these are things that Master has made me feel as if She likes: my idealistic creativity, my emotional expressiveness, and my intense energy. Other traits, like my inability to keep paying attention at times or my inability to have my attention drawn away from something that's got simply every ounce of my attention or damned near it, may have to be trained out of me or worked on, and hopefully, any traits of mine She dislikes, are things that I'll be able to change and will not mind that they're things She wants to change. I don't even remotely imagine She'll ask me to change anything about me that makes me who I am, because She's made it very clear, She loves me for who I am & despite that I'm not even close to fully-trained yet, I feel like Her love is absolute, unconditional, and will only grow stronger the further I progress in my training.


On the other hand, I woke up with a killer migraine.
Thank God for Excedrin Migraine.


Also, thank God for Master, and for all of the good, true friends that I have made in my life. Not just in the last month, but just in general. There are so many just wonderfully accepting and embracing people that take me (not in the sexual sense in this case) precisely as I am and appreciate me for who I am. Of course, there's also always that one person who cares deeply for you but just doesn't quite get it when you tell them things about yourself, and they accept you and love you, but they are having so much trouble understanding certain things and it hurts because you want for them to not simply know, but understand.


There's a friend of mine from middle school whom I love dearly, and whom I know cares about me deeply, but she can't understand the slavery or the masochism. She's an absolutely wonderful and accepting person, but she has trouble with understanding these things.


She said to me, "But you shouldn't be a slave," or something very similar to that, and she said to me, "You don't deserve to be hit."


I tried to explain to her that being a slave makes me happy, that being a slave brings me feelings of deep personal satisfaction and fulfillment. I know this is not a common thing and I understand, very much, that this is something that is hard to understand for other people. I know she wants to and I know she's probably trying to, but I just don't know what I can do to help her understand this.


It was equally hard to explain the masochism, and I know I haven't managed to express it in any kind of way that she'll be able to understand and that'll let her really "get it." She's a beautiful girl, and a marvelous person, and I feel in my heart as if she's really trying to wrap her mind around it but is having trouble. I hope that when I earn my collaring ceremony, she'll accept the invitation to come to the ceremony, and that that'll be that "ah-ha!" moment of enlightenment when she finally understands the nature and the significance of the relationship, and why this means so much to me despite that it's so radically different from the mainstream world.


Anyway.


I don't feel like I have too much more to say this morning other than that. Maybe I do and just don't realize it, but probably not, so... you'll just have to wait two more days to hear more from me, if you actually like hearing anything from me at all.


As always, I love you, Master, with every fiber of my being, with every nanometer of my heart, every bit as much as I have ever loved anyone in the whole of my existence.


As always, I trust you, Master, with every aspect of my health and without question. You have never harmed or damaged me in any way, though your occasional absences have filled my heart with the very deepest worry and concern.


It is my deepest hope that January will work out, and I will get to move down to Tennessee to be as near to you as possible for the rest of my life.


- Protected Slave and Property of the Magnificent Miss_Misanthropy,
Privileged to be Master's Adoring Pet Whore, Ophelia / Phee

Thursday, 8 December, 2011.

As usual, there's a few things I've been thinking about and that I just want to put out there, because I think it's important.


Last night, Master instructed me to go to bed at a "reasonable hour." I was not quite sure what that would mean, so I asked a friend of mine, who happens to be a schoolteacher and mother to a six-year-old, about it.


I asked her, "What do you think would be an appropriate bedtime for an eleven-year-old girl?"
She answered that she thought between 9:00 and 9:30 would be reasonable. When she learned that Master had instructed that I go to bed at a reasonable hour and that Master overall treats me as if I am an eleven-year-old girl - which admittedly would be hurtful and offensive to a number of people, but it makes me feel safe and comfortable - she upped that to 10:00 PM since she's my friend and doesn't quite want to be the one to tell me "go to bed now" bearing in mind that it was 8:55 when I asked. I am turning 30 in a few days, just over a week, and I'm in no way in denial about the big 3 0 that is approaching me rather quickly. I'm intellectually thirty years old and I'm biologically thirty years old, spiritually I'm vastly older than that in the age of my soul and the nature of my beliefs, but emotionally I'm an eleven-year-old girl with a lot of the characteristics of an eleven-year-old. For instance, although I am just much more knowledgeable about sex and sexuality than your average eleven-year-old (or at least I hope I'm more knowledgeable than an eleven-year-old on this topic, anyway), I'm still a virgin in every way that is pertinent (as I've never been penetrated in any context whatsoever), and I'm naive. That is, there's a lot of things I'm not clueless or childish about, but I'm also highly idealistic, creative, and utterly naive about a lot of things. Due to my Asperger's Syndrome, I'm completely naive to lying, deception of any kind. I can't lie, deceive, omit, etcetera, intentionally. It makes me just extremely uncomfortable. However, due to Asperger's, I also can't understand these things well enough to be able to determine when someone's doing it unless the lie is blatantly obvious, such as, "That cloud isn't white, it's green." Well, I know the difference between green and white, thank you very much! I'm not that gullible. However, I am naively gullible because of the Asperger's, and that's a reason that I need trustworthy people around me, and especially a trustworthy Master, and the one who Owns me is utterly beautiful and wonderfully worthy of my absolute and complete faith.


So being treated like an eleven-year-old girl doesn't bother me. Like some of the most demure such girls, when someone comes too close to me that I don't know and seems like a dominant identity, I prefer to hide behind a trusted adult. Master, preferentially, or Master's fiancee, since he's ex-military and I feel confident that he'll protect me if I'm out with him and Master isn't there.


I also want to take this moment to say thank you to some people that are probably never going to ever read this, but if they do, they'll know who they are. There are a number of amazing people in my life who have been amazing with regards to all of this: I've told them that I am a slave, that I'm happily owned and collared, and they did not respond with shock or horror or disgust or anything like that. They have accepted me as a slave-girl, a few of them have even allowed me to begin to address them from a more submissive position, by which I mean adding Miss before their name because they're a more dominant personality and are emotionally older than me. I'm not emotionally an adult, and even with regards to the ones that are literally the same exact number of years in age as I am, addressing them as, for instance, Miss Amanda makes me feel better than just calling them Amanda. Please note that I don't actually know an Amanda in real life nor is anyone I know online that I've told about this named Amanda, and that's the reason I chose to use the name Amanda for the sake of the example.


Some of these people are people I know only from the internet - many of them live in the United States, but some don't. There are people I know who live in Australia, Italy, Sweden and Canada that I have told about this, and they haven't even batted an eyelash at it. Why are Americans this provincial about the concept of consensual slavery? It seems like nobody else is even bothered, as long as it's consensual and makes you happy.


Of course, one of the American women that I told that I know in person, whose name also will not be mentioned, has said things like You shouldn't be a slave, or You don't deserve to be hit. Of course, she means well, but she doesn't quite understand that being a slave is what I want to be, it's what makes me happy, it's what makes me feel safe. It's what makes me feel good about my my life and who I am. She doesn't quite understand that I am a masochist, that I enjoy being hurt, in ways that are safe, sane, and consensual, ways that won't cause any permanent damage. I'm happy when I have red marks, welts, even bruises! Master has promised to hurt me a lot, and it is something that I am looking forward to very much, as it'll be "reward welts" and "love bruises." It's when you visit and don't see Master's bruises and welts on my back, rump, and thighs, that you know I did something bad recently and She's taking away those things as punishment for me doing something I wasn't supposed to.


I need the discipline, the structure, and the order that She gives me, and I need those in a context of mutual love, trust, appreciation, respect and admiration. I am completely devoted to Master as She has saved my life from the depression and the death wish which were destroying everything that made me who I am now that I'm free of their dark influences. I'm happier than I've ever been, for that matter I'm happier than I'd ever imagined that I possibly could be, and it is Master that's done that, it's Master that's given me a new lease on life, and new things to look forward to.


She's allowed me to feel confident that eventually, I will be completely feminized, that I will get my transition surgeries and that, eventually, I will have a vagina. I have aspirations in my life, and I'm sure that I'll make great progress on those once I'm able to serve Her, live in a comfortable place with a stress-free environment, and I'm quite certain that writing this very blog is going to help me as well. This is a cathartic release for me, and I definitely understand why so many people have a journal, and I take great comfort in knowing that at any time, Master can come to this and just see what's going on in my life, how I'm feeling. It makes me feel even safer knowing that I've got some way for Master to always know what's going on with my life, in that She can read this, and keep Her eye on my emotional health. It's one of Her responsibilities as Master, and Master has very strong convictions about what a Master's obligations are with regards to their slave and for this reason I always feel complete security as Her slave and total faith in that She won't hurt me.


She would never damage Her own property. She is responsible for my health - sexual, physical, emotional, spiritual and nutritional - and I completely trust in Her to keep me healthy and happy, because She believes very firmly that a healthy, happy slave is one that is highly obedient. It is a true statement, too, in that regard: I don't need Her to be in love with me just because I'm in love with Her, because She nurtures the feelings I have for Her, She embraces them and appreciates them. As long as I feel that my love is appreciated, I won't feel like I'm being taken advantage of, because tit isn't unrequited love, at least not as far as I am. Unrequited love is painful and tragic, and that's not how I feel about this. Master knows I am in love with Her - in fact, She knew it even before I knew it, as did a few others - and She may not reciprocate the romantic love, but She is still extraordinarily loving and good to me. That's all I want.


Master is in love with Her fiancee, and he is in love with Her. This is something else that gives me feelings of safety and security, because when I live with them, I'll live with a couple so much more wonderful than the two I live with right now. My adoptive parents, they constantly argue, they fight, they act like they hate each other and they don't give one damn concern to that there's someone else in the house that's getting stressed out in the extreme because of it and that they are giving me extreme pain of a kind that quite frankly I don't like. I have chronic cluster migraines, once in a blue moon I'll have a day without any head pain at all, because 90% of the time when I do not have a migraine, I still have a headache so I need to take pills to escape this pain. By the way, I advocate Excedrin Migraine if you're not allergic to it, it's absolutely fucking phenomenal. Back on topic, however, on those FEW days that I have without pain at the start of the day, by the end of the day, I always have been given a migraine as a present from these two and their incessant arguments and the way they treat each other and don't give a fuck about how it makes me feel. I complain, and I'm told to grow up. No, it isn't about maturity, it's about me not wanting to hear it because it gives me a blasted migraine and it's also about your quality as adoptive parents. I'm pretty sure that good parents don't make their children think that marriage is just some fucked up financial arrangement by two people that act like and talk to each other in a way that suggests a desire to murder each other in their sleep.


Now, I realize, sometimes feelings get hurt, relationships become strained for this reason or for that reason, but in 30 YEARS these two have never gotten along once to my recollection. They have been arguing and have hated each other for about as long as I can remember, I literally do not have any memories of them getting along. I know for a fact they haven't fucked each other in the entire last 27 years, because they haven't slept in the same room for as long as I can recall, either. My adoptive mother tells me they've slept together "in this house."


There's an internet saying that I find very appropriate: "Pix or it didn't happen." I've lived here the entire time and don't remember you two having shared a bedroom in the last 25 years since we moved to New Jersey. Last time I checked, having sex with someone required being together in the same room for a particular period of time.


Conversely, the couple that I'll be living with love each other, deeply and truly love each other and I am extremely eager to live with them and see what a household is like with two people who not only love each other, but can actually act like they love each other.


As I've said, I am also a virgin, and sometime in the next year, I expect to lose my virginity to Master's strapon. I told Her that I wanted Her to be the one to take my virginity. For one thing, because I am Her property that makes my virginity likewise Her property, and so it's only right Master get to claim it for Herself. I told Her, I didn't want a "real" cock, I wanted Her cock. Hers might not be able to orgasm, but I don't fucking care, I want Hers to be the one that takes my virginity, because Hers is the one that's most important to me. Of course, after that, if Master's orders were to service Her fiancee next, I'd have no problem with that. I mean, I've never, ever fantasized about him, but at the same time ... well, let's just put it this way. He has been sweet, compassionate, friendly, and he's made me feel utterly welcome in the dynamic. Of course, it also doesn't hurt that he is fucking beautiful, so... yeah. If Master gave him permission to have sexual interaction with me, there would not be any kind of complaint from me even though I've never actually fantasized about doing anything sexual with him.


That's actually kind of funny to me. He's the most beautiful male I've ever seen. Not just bodily, either, but the way he's behaved towards me has given me a very high opinion of his quality in general, as a person. I find myself amused that I haven't fantasized about him, but it's probably because Master's never told me to do so and I wouldn't do so without express approval, even if I'd have sex with him on command, like a good girl.


I realize this has all been very personal, but I'm a very personal kind of blogger, and I'm not shy about what I'm thinking at any given moment. I realize this has been a pretty long entry and that I've shifted from one thought to a similar (or maybe dissimilar) thought through the course of my entry, but it's primarily because of my Attention Deficit Disorder. 


At the moment, I feel like I have a 55% likelihood of moving from New Jersey to Tennessee by next February. Master has promised me an apartment in extremely close proximity to Her home as a 100% guarantee to occur sometime between October of 2012 and February of 2013. Still, there's a 55% chance or thereabouts in my estimation, of me being living in Tennessee by the February of 2012 and living close enough to be of far more use to Her than I've been able to be up until this point. The sooner the better, in my opinion. I'm extremely eager, and I have already on what things I feel as if I absolutely must bring with me.


I need to bring my dog, and Master has promised that I can bring and keep my dog as soon as I move out of the current living situation. I have to bring my female clothes, because although I am what I would describe as a preferential nudist, I also do not want to tease the foster family that I will be housed by since Master's own home does not have anywhere to put me at present. I will also need to bring my mattress. It's a Sleep Number air mattress, no way in hell will I leave that behind!


I also need to bring my gaming consoles and video games, plus my books and trading cards, as I don't want to give these up, and the obvious bringing of a laptop. One of my requirements is the availability of an internet connection of some kind. I can't stand being offline, especially since it's my primary connection to the Master who Owns me and my only connection to the couple dozen most important people in my life whom I love the most and who accept me precisely as I am, the people I mentioned above, earlier in this entry. Past that, I need to bring my leather jacket, since I absolutely love it, and I need to bring a really nice leather coat that I want to give to Eric as I feel like he might enjoy it and because I think he'd look really nice in it. I'm not sure if it would be very good to compliment his complexion and I'm fairly certain that the lining is faux fur, but whatever. I just want to give it to him because it's a definite "man coat," but it's also really nice, comfortable, and warm. I don't know if the weather gets cold enough down in Tennessee for him to wear it, at all, in Tennessee, but if the winter gets chilly enough for it? I want him to have it. Every time I talk to him, I grow a bit fonder of him.


Lastly, and this is the section geared especially towards Master but I invite everyone to read this part as it is kind of the point of the name of my blog, Master's Loving Girl, and all.


I love you, Master. I love you with every fiber of my being, I love you with all of my heart, I love you as much as I have ever loved anyone. I love you more than I can find the words to describe, and I have absolute trust and infinite faith in you. You make me feel loved, accepted, admired, valued and respected. You make me feel happier than I've felt in 22 years, and in your possession I feel safe for the first time in my life. I can hardly contain my eagerness to wear the collar that you are weaving for me. I know I'll love it as much as I love you and every other person in my heart-family.


- Protected Slave and Property of the Magnificent Miss_Misanthropy,
Privileged to be Master's Adoring Pet Whore, Ophelia / Phee