So I realized that if I am going to have a blog, I might as well make sure that people know what I look like, so this is an image of me that I don't mind sharing. I am an aspiring author and an aspiring photographer, and so if you're looking for pictures of me, I can refer you to where they are posted online with deviantART, and if you want prints, that'll be hard for now but once I manage to move in with Master, that'll increase the ability for me to make a print, out of anything you want. Master will help me with that, I'm fairly confident in that. Master is always helping me in some way or another, and that's kind of going to be the theme of this blog entry. In fact, Master's going to be one of those recurring themes of my blog in general. The name of the blog being "Master's Loving Girl" should've made that pretty clear, though, so I won't feel the need to keep making that point, or at least I hope I won't feel the need to keep making that point, at any rate.
Moving on.
There's a point in your life when you need to confess something, just to put it out there that you realize that up to this point, you hadn't been doing the best you could've been in some context or another. For me, that's been with regards to hygiene, because I am agoraphobic and I aggressively avoid going out in public unless I absolutely just can't possibly help it. As a result of this, I didn't really take much care to my hygiene, but on the fourth, I asked if She had a preference for the regularity of my showering. I admit, unashamed, that because of my agoraphobia and a chronic problem with procrastination, it'd been... quite some time since I'd actually taken a shower. Well, Master commanded that I should take a shower every two days, and I promised to take a shower the following morning, & that's precisely what I did, shortly after I got out of bed. It was reassuring and comforting to know that I was doing something that Master wanted me to do, that something I was doing was something that would make Master feel happy with me. Shortly afterwards, She told me it was time for me to go to bed. I wasn't particularly tired, but that doesn't really matter. Master told me to go to bed, and I did. Maybe I was more tired than I thought, because I fell asleep within a few minutes of laying down and was out like a light for the next something around nine hours or so. It wasn't my best night's sleep, but it was more satisfying and revitalizing than most of them.
Here's another of those confessions.
Master and I decided early on in this new dynamic that there would be orgasm denial and orgasm control. This is something that was my decision and it was a voluntary surrender to Her, because I know that that's something the Master who Owns me is into. As such, it's something that I wanted to give Her, and I was doing well until Master's health scare in late November, which had Her very ill for two days and in the hospital for a further two and a half or thereabouts, before She came out. There was an eight-day period in which I did not hear from Her, and the stress, the worry, and the nausea in my stomach compromised my ability to control myself and to control how regularly I masturbated. I guess that's kind of "personal information," but this is my blog, and if you're reading it, I kind of just have to assume that personal information is part of the reason you're reading it. So, confession point being, stress caused me to masturbate a few times without permission and without specific instruction to do so. The fact that I have a legitimate explanation, however, doesn't excuse it and I knew full well it didn't excuse it, and that knowing resulted in some rather mind-numbing guilt on my part, because I want to be a good girl and make Master proud.
Let's just say that She was very displeased when I confessed my misbehavior, Sunday evening, the same night I started this blog. Master was not angry with me, in fact I don't think I can recall a point in nearly seven years that we've known each other that She's ever been mad at me. She has never been disappointed with me, either, up to this point, so this first disappointment came with just some seriously crushing guilt because I knew that She was going to be disappointed. As I said, I had a legitimate reason for what I did, but that didn't excuse it because She hadn't given me permission, it isn't Her fault that I did it, it's mine, and I should've been in more control.
So, the punishment that I pleaded for Her to give me because being punished means She forgives me and that I get an opportunity to make up for it, is that I am not allowed to masturbate whatsoever for one week. Starting Sunday, 4 December, 2011 at 6:17 PM Central, I am not permitted to touch myself again for that purpose until Sunday, 11 December, 2011 at 6:17 PM Central. Master gave me a stern warning, there would be no contact between us for 72 hours if I should buck this punishment, and that's a critical thing, because I don't think that I could handle that, three days without any communication or acknowledgment whatsoever. She knows how much I need Her, so She knows that that's a very good punishment to threaten me with if I fail to abide by the punishment that She has set, because my heart hurts when I do not hear from Her on a very regular basis.
Master says it's typical for a new Master/slave relationship for the save to feel needy and clingy, so it makes me feel better that I'm not abnormal in this, that other slaves feel this way, too, when they finally have a Master for the first time. I don't think the love will ever fade, but She's confident that the neediness and the clinging will diminish in time, especially as soon as we begin living in very close proximity to each other.
That's the good news I've been working my way to for this entire blog entry, though.
Master has said that She supports the idea of taking me away from New Jersey and getting me down to Her part of Tennessee as soon as possible, She just needs to talk to the two people that have offered Her help in the form of fostering Her pet (that's me) with them for some period of time. I want to say to both of them, I can't thank you enough for even considering fostering Master's pet with you for any length of time so that She can be closer to the Master that Owns Her. I don't usually talk in the third person and when I do it's broken because, frankly, I like the words "I" and "my" and "me." They're nice, they're comforting, and Master likes me just as I am so I don't feel any need to vary how I talk, or how I refer to myself. That's another word I like, by the way. "Myself." It's a nice word, in my opinion.
Anyway, the point of this all is, I might very well be moving from New Jersey to Tennessee sometime in the next couple of months, if everything works out. The sooner the better, as Master has assured me that I am allowed to keep my dog and that I am allowed to bring at least some of my belongings, the ones that I most want to keep. I have every intention of bringing my gaming consoles with me. Master isn't a gamer as far as I know, but I am and my games are something I love, as is my laptop, all of which I get to keep because Master does not believe at all in excising a slave from their life just because of their slave status, or restricting a slave's rights on that basis, not unless there's a legitimate reason. For instance, for disciplinary reasons, if Master ever gets me a horse or gets a membership for me (or whatever you call it) at a stable so that I could go horseback riding sometimes, She might restrict me from going riding for a certain number of days, knowing it's something that I enjoy, and taking it away if I've misbehaved in some way that merits punishment.
I surrender myself happily to Her punishment, because in many ways I am a naive little girl and have need for the order, structure, and discipline that Master offers me. This is the happiest and most comfortable relationship that I've ever had in my life with anyone for whom I accepted them in a position of having any authority over me, at all.
The people I live with currently, they have no authority. They have an acknowledgment that I need them for now, and I have an acknowledgment from them that they don't want to evict me because I still serve some purpose or another, although most of that purpose is grammar & spelling related, I think. My adoptive mother has very poor grammar and spelling, and She's always asking me how to spell this, or to proof-read that. I don't mind so much since I consider myself something of an English Major / English aficionado. I just like the English language. I'm not really perfect on the grammar thing, but I was able to spell Czechoslovakia when I was five years old and it's still one of the most natural words for me to spell, something I don't even think twice about, even though the real place Czechoslovakia no longer exists, as far as I know, because it split up in a peaceful revolution that turned it into the Czech Republic and Slovakia. You know what? Good for them. It's nice when people go separate ways peacefully and manage to still keep getting along afterwards. It's far better than the guy whose girlfriend dumps him because he's cheating so he kills Her for leaving him when he's the one doing something wrong.
Getting back on track, though, authority has to be granted to someone, and I've voluntarily granted the authority of Master, to Master, because of how I feel for Her. Master makes me feel loved, accepted, respected, admired, and treasured. Master makes me happy, bolsters my feelings of self-worth and makes me feel safe. As my first blog entry noted, I haven't felt happiness in the last very nearly twenty-two years, and I certainly haven't ever felt safe until now. Master gives me these feelings. I am delighted to surrender control to Her in a number of ways. However and I feel this is very important, Master does not demand that I turn over every last vestige of who I am to Her, She does not demand that I surrender every aspect of my being to Her review and approval or rejection. I retain control over my own independent finances, I simply won't have to dig into them too much except to help afford things that we need, because money is tight right now in general. It's called being an American, the entire economy sucks at the moment, but that's part of why I retain personal control over personal finances as soon as I actually have some money at all. I am also the sole arbiter of my own soul and my thought processes are absolutely not to be fucked around with, because these are things who make me who I am and Master happens to love me precisely as I am.
I don't have a whole lot else to say right now, so I'm going to leave with one last statement, this being words to the benefit of Master, and words for my "followers," any that I actually acquire. This is just a blog and I don't expect I'll have a huge amount of followers, ever, but for anyone who does decide to follow this blog and reads it regularly, I'm going to say thank you. I don't know everyone who follows, I don't know if I'll ever see you in person and I've really got no way whatsoever to have any clue who you are or what on earth could be so interesting about me, but thank you for taking the time to read this. Even if you don't, it's cathartic for me to have a blog.
To the Master who Owns me...
I love you with every fiber of my being.
I love you with all of my heart.
I need you to be part of my life.
I have complete and utter faith in you.
I absolutely, positively respect you to the highest possible degree.
I will only ask questions when I feel that I do not understand.
I cherish the protection that you give me, it makes me feel safe.
I love you as much as I have ever loved anyone else in my life.
You are Master. You are Sister. You are part of the family in my heart.
There are several I count as family, even if the law doesn't recognize it.
- Protected Slave and Property of the Magnificent Miss_Misanthropy,
Privileged to be Master's Adoring Pet Whore, Ophelia / Phee
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