Monday, 16 January, 2012

Okay, so I missed the normal update schedule for a few days. Sorry about that, Master ambushed me with a romantic weekend with friends. I had my first experience on the borderline of sub-space, though, over the weekend, because of the amazing Miss Lena, who scratched my legs to the point that I almost passed out from the spiritual and emotional high that it produced because we were at the hooka bar and the hooka smoke really heightened the experience for me. I really like that.

Master and I basically stayed two nights at Miss Lena and Miss Sarah's dormitory on the campus of A. P. S. U. -- that's Austin Peay State University -- and the four of us shared one room with three beds. I had a lot of fun there, Miss Sarah did not play with me all that much but Miss Lena did so on a couple of occasions. As much as I love Miss Tammy and Sir Sam, and as much fun as Sir Nate is (or can be) to talk to for some pretty interesting conversations on historical or military topics, it was nevertheless really nice and very enjoyable to spend a weekend with Miss Lena and Miss Sarah and to be in 24-hour-a-day proximity to Master.

The weekend did not go as planned. It was not a bad weekend, but nor was it as good as it could have been. There are a number of things that I am looking forward to that have not yet happened, in spite of that both Master and I have been very much eager to get to it. We haven't had the chance -- either something came up and got in the way, or Master was not feeling well enough for it, or wasn't in the right mood for it.


That's natural, it's understandable, and I'm completely okay with the fact that She wasn't ready yet. I waited eight years to be Her slave, I waited ten weeks to get to come down to Clarksville, waiting a few weeks to be able to be totally deflowered of all forms of kink virginity is acceptable to me, I am patient and I am not upset with Master. I am disappointed in the delays and disruptions which have been making us wait, but it is not Master's fault and therefore I cannot be upset with, disappointed in or otherwise blaming of Master for this. She's as eager and excited about this as I am, probably even moreso because She knows more than I do what to expect and what it's going to be like.


I've had my first sadomasochistic play session and there may have been some witnesses, but I'm not sure, since I was blindfolded and it was a great experience for me all the way around. I liked it, and I got some seriously good marks out of it besides that. However, we haven't gotten to do a lot of the other things that we have been wanting to do.


Master and I spent about 70 to 80 hours together, constantly in one another's company except for a couple dozen minutes or something like that when She sent us out to get some food for Her, from McDonald's. It was the best weekend in my life, I really loved being with Her for so long and for so much continuous connection. We also had breakfast at IHOP yesterday and I had one of the very best dining-out experiences I've ever had in my life. Everything just felt so right for the entire length of the weekend, at least for me, despite the drama and unexpected distractions and disruptions.


Master and I are still eagerly, enthusiastically looking forward to the energy-play, electricity-play, fire-play, needle-play, edge-play, blood-play, and maybe breath-play that I know that She enjoys. Not entirely sure which of those if any of them are things I'm going to be able to do and enjoy (other than the energy-play, which I anticipate being incredibly enjoyable to me), but they are all things that I really want to try because I know how She is and I know that She is looking forward to them and is going to enjoy them with me, and I am deeply committed to pleasuring and satisfying Her in every way that I am physically capable of doing it.


Everything is just so blissfully perfect here in Clarksville.


I Love You, Master, with all of my heart and every fiber of my being.
There is no part of me that does not love every part of You, Master.
I Trust You, Master, with my heart and with my health and with my life.
I am Devoted to You, Master, and I am Yours for as long as You will have me.
You are my Bright and Beautiful Sky, and I have unwavering Faith in You.


- Protected Slave and Property of the Magnificent Miss_Misanthropy,
Privileged to be Master's Adoring Pet Whore, Ophelia

Thursday, 12 January, 2012.

So last night we got to attend a munch, Master and Eric and I. It was fun, the three of Us went to the Chinese Buffet, I think the name of the place was "Crown of East" or something like that? I honestly don't remember, but we went to a friend's place for a play-party after the munch, they call it an after party, I think?

The after party was amazing. There were like 29 people at the January 11 Clarksville Kinksters Munch, and the munch was fun, there were a lot of nice people to talk to, though I stuck real close near Master because I'm sociophobic and agoraphobic, so attending the munch & the after-party was actually a big step for me.

At the after-party, I got to rest and enjoy the company of two of my amazing Protectors, Master, and a total of about fourteen to sixteen people who showed up for the after-party who'd also been there at the Munch. It was really nice experience.

Master also introduced me to some of the toys that She uses for sadomasochistic play. Since I was blindfolded, I didn't really know what I was being hit with most of the time, but there were a few things that I recognized the sensory feel and connected it to the mental image of it since I'd seen it before, as I've seen all of the sadomasochistic play-toys that She has.

She tested out two different paddles, a spiked roller, a furry thing that felt like it had claws in it, the kind that scratch but don't damage the skin in the course of doing so, two different kinds of floggers before the really good one which is my favourite toy. The Purple Rose Flogger, is what that toy is called, it was one of the ones that I recognized immediately when it hit me because it just looked like it had such a distinctive feel to it when it hits you, and I was right.

It's a combination of stinging pain, because it's a flogger, and thudding pain, because every single one of the flogger-strands ends with an inch-and-a-half-diameter rosebud of heavy purple leather, so it THUNKS into you with a sharp-edged stinging impact. I love it, since I like both the stinging and the thudding pains.

Anyway, this has been the best several days of my life and I go to bed each night eagerly waiting for the next day to come because now I have a life that's truly well worth living.

I Love You Master, with all of my heart and every fiber of my being.
I Trust You Master, with my heart and with my health and with my life.
I have Faith in You Master, You Who make me feel joy, safety, and love.
I am Devoted to You Master, You Who make me feel truly appreciated.
I am Yours, Master, because You make me feel admired and respected.


- Protected Slave and Property of the Magnificent Miss_Misanthropy,
Privileged to be Master's Adoring Pet Whore, Phee

Tuesday, 10 January, 2012.

Miss Tammy and Sir Sam are amazing hosts, I feel more accepted, respected and approved of at Random House (their home) than I've ever felt anywhere else. I am so happy to be here, now that I live in Clarksville, Tennessee. Master and I get to spend some time together, probably later today, so I'll want to be clean, shaven and rested up for that. I doubt we're going to get play-time because She's still recovering from certain things, but, every day She feels better than She did the day prior, and She told me that I make Her feel complete. I've never been told something like that before, and most especially not by someone for Whom I feel the complete and total dedication and deep love I feel for Her.

Hopefully there will be playtime for Master and I before the end of the day, even if nothing intimate, I am eagerly awaiting the sadomasochistic breaking-in. There's a toy I really want to try for what She calls "super masochists," which made Her think of me immediately on thinking of it in that context, I really want to try it out but Master said not yet, She has to break me in slowly and see just what kind of warmup I need (should I need a warmup at all, that is) to be able to take it. I'm not sure what level of warmup I'd need, but I'll concede to Her far greater experience that I probably need to be given a warmup before getting beat with the Purple Rose, but I'm anxiously awaiting it.

Miss Tammy is amazing, and she is a really good cook. I like her and I like spending time around her, and she gave me a big hug the other day, which was awesome. I love hugging and touching, I had developed a pretty severe haphephobia -- a fear of, aversion toward or just discrimination against being touched, though I really LIKE hugging and touching of all kinds, because my home life in my last place of residence severely discouraged any kind of skin contact for any length of time and made me feel bad about wanting to give people hugs. I love where I live, now, I feel so much more comfortable, approved, happy, and like if I want to give someone a hug, I can ask & that would be okay.

Thanks to my move, I'm definitely beginning to overcome my haphephobic issues, which makes me happy because I like being able to feel comfortable with touch, it's good for you, and Master spent a lot of time petting me as I knelt beside Her, during Our first time being able to be in each other's presence. It was ... screw it, it was fucking magical is what it was.

I felt whole and Home for the first time in my life.

I Love You Master, with all of my heart and every fiber of my being.
I Trust You Master, with my heart and with my health and with my life.
It brings me great Joy to be so near to You, living in the same city.
You are my Bright and Beautiful Sky, and I think of You every time I look up.

- Protected Slave and Property of the Magnificent Miss_Misanthropy,
Privileged to be Master's Adoring Pet Whore, Ophelia

Sunday, 8 January, 2012.

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Thursday, 5 January, 2012.

Today is the last day of my life -- in New Jersey.


Tomorrow morning, bright and early, the train will be pulling out of the station and I will be on that train.


Literally 95% of what I own is currently safely stored in the back of my Jeep. I didn't think it would all fit. If I had to have room for my dog, it wouldn't. That's pretty much the only reason I'm allowing my adoptive parents to accompany me down to Tennessee is because I don't really have a choice in the matter.


I mean... Yes. I want them to see where I'm going to be living because it is important to them.
And, also yes. I want them to meet the wonderful couple I am going to be living with, and to be able to meet Master and Her fiancee, for whom I'm going down to Tennessee to be Her slave. I don't want any trouble, basically, though once I am down there, Master will be in absolute total control over everything including my communication with my adoptive parents. She is Master. It really is up to Her how often I talk to them - whether it be "getting" to or "having" to, depending entirely upon the nature of the relationship we maintain and how she acts on the phone with me since Master will have absolute access to always know the entire content of the conversations. I've got no secrets from Master, none at all. Her Arms are my Home. As long as I am with Her, I am where I belong, whether I am on my knees or in Her Arms or something else, I am where I'm meant to be as long as I'm with Her.


... but even so.


The main reason that I am allowing my adoptive parents to come along is basically the lack of me having a choice in the matter.


For one thing, I need their assistance this one last time.


More importantly than that, Master forbade me to drive on a national highway since I've never done it before, or made a 715-mile drive before, and She forbade me from this being the first time since I haven't done it before, and She was worried that something bad might happen to me while I am all by myself. She is such a loving, protective Owner, I'm really blessed to have Her in my life and to be worthy of Her collar, which I am very much looking forward to wearing.


I am Her pet. I am Her slave. I am Her property. I am Her little girl. I am Her toy. I am Her bitch. I am Her slut. I am Her whore.


I would not have it any other way. These statements make me smile, they make me happy, they make me giggly, even.


This is a very different lifestyle than what most people live, and I realize this.


This is a very different lifestyle than conservative people tend to live, and I know that, too.


I do not have anything against people who live a conservative lifestyle.


It is their solemn right to live a lifestyle that is in accordance with their spiritual beliefs and which works for them.


Just don't condemn me for my lifestyle, and I won't condemn you for yours, is how I feel about it.


Master will be ensuring my emotional, spiritual, physical, nutritional and sexual health, and She's promised that I will never be homeless or destitute.


I could ask for no more than that, that is an amazing promise and She's undertaking a very high level of responsibility for ensuring and protecting my future, and protecting my self, as well.


I will hear no ill spoken of Her, for She is indescribably extraordinary, and I am blessed, honoured, flattered, privileged, and ecstatic to belong to such a remarkably beautiful phenomenon as She is.


Plus, tomorrow night, I should be able to announce my blog on my Facebook page and that shall mean a lot more people seeing just how much I Love Her.


And now this last part is purely for Master, though I am proud of it so it is available for all to see.


I Love You, Master, with all of my heart and with every fiber of my being.
There is no part of me that does not love every part of You, Master-love.
I Trust You, Master, with my health and with my heart and with my life.
I have absolute Faith in You, Master, You always have my best in mind.


- Protected Slave and Property of the Magnificent Miss_Misanthropy,
Privileged to be Master's Adoring Pet Whore, Ophelia

Tuesday, 3 January, 2011.

I can't wait to get out of here. My adoptive mother drives me through a wall, literally through one, because of the fact that she knows my buttons and she just mashes my buttons until she drives me into a complete and self-shaming actions that I am not proud of, but which I couldn't restrain, either, because of how much she pushed my buttons knowing full well what the results would be.


I don't think I can stand being here until Friday. I feel like driving my Jeep into a lake right now and the worst part about that is there's three lakes within 10 minutes' drive of me that I could easily go ahead and drive into, to end it all. I've had suicidal thoughts all my life, but only two days since I've been with Master have I had this kind of depth-of-despair, but every day it gets harder, every day it becomes more difficult to take it. I can't handle this.


I need to leave.


God willing, Her envoys will be here Friday. I feel like I am going out of my mind. I feel like I'm just being driven insane.


I'm leaving my cell phone. I'm not taking it with me. I can't. I'm just not going to leave them to have any means of direct contact with me. No, I'm going to keep in touch through my big sister-in-heart Miss Alex, she's agreed that she'll give them the message from me that I've arrived safely and that they aren't to come looking for me because I'll be okay.


The plus side is, there are two indescribably amazing people that are giving me a room. I promise to be good for them.


I Love You Master, with all of my heart and with every fiber of my being.
I Love You Daddy, as much as I've ever loved anyone in my entire life.
I Trust You Master, with my heart and with my health and with my life.
I am Yours Daddy, I can't wait to be with You and spend my life with You.
Home has two rooms, Daddy, and being in Your Arms is one of those rooms.
The other room is on my knees in front of You.


Home is where I belong.
Home is where I can't wait to be.


- Protected Slave and Property of the Magnificent Miss_Misanthropy,
Privileged to be Master's Adoring Pet Whore, Ophelia

Sunday, 1 January, 2012.

I want to start by saying something.


HAPPY NEW YEAR!


I also want to say:


We are not all dying in next Winter Solstice. The world is not coming to an end.
Do you want to know how I know this? Of course you do. I have it on very good
authority that the world is not coming to an end, because in the Bible that most
of those doomsday prophets happen to be from a religion observant to, there is
a passage that declares that no mortal may know or accurately predict the end.


Therefore, given all the doomsday predictions for 21 December, 2012? It won't
happen, if for no better reason than the fact that so many have predicted it will.


So take the following advice to heart:


On 20 December, 2012, DO NOT ...


• go out and donate everything you own to charity.
Seriously, if the world ends tomorrow, it's too late.


• go out and donate everything you own to Harold Camping.
Seriously, he should be sued for all the times he's scammed people out of everything they own by convincing them the world is absolutely going to end immediately the very second that he says it, and that since they don't need their belongings anymore, they should make a good faith payment to God by donating them to him. What sane person's response would be anything but a knuckle-sandwich to the face? If the world's ending tomorrow, this old bastard doesn't need your Maserati.


• go out and rape, murder, pillage, or otherwise perpetrate a violent criminal act.
Seriously, even if the world were ending the next day, that'd be the day to thank God for Yeshua of Nazareth and Yeshua's assertion of the forgiveness of all your wrongdoings, not go out and do some new bad shit. Honestly, think about it. You're going to see a judge for what you do the eve of the supposed end of the world, and if that happens to be Judge God, His sentences can be far harsher than anything a mere mortal judge would be legally allowed to hand down to you, moron.


Now that we have that neatly out of the way...


I'm moving!


I should be living in Tennessee this coming Sunday, at the very latest.
Master is going to dye my hair silver and give me silver lipstick for the Gender Bender Party.


I am really looking forward to being able to meet everyone.
I may not get to say goodbye to the people in New Jersey that I love so much, but I can't let that bother me, we're going to have a picnic up there at some point and then they'll all get to meet the Master Who Owns me.


Daddy is so eager to meet Her little girl's friends and loved ones.
She's not quite as eager to meet my adoptive parents, which I can totally understand.
Especially since She'll be meeting them in autumn anyway, most likely.


I got so excited about leaving that I became nauseous and needed a very large dose of honey so I could make a dent in the nausea. It worked, of course, but yeah. I got so excited I became sick to my stomach with enthusiasm. That's never happened before. This must be what they mean when they talk about "butterflies in your stomach."


Master's giving me many firsts.
I can't wait to be with my Daddy.


I Love You Master, with all of my heart and every fiber of my being.
I Love You Daddy, as much as I have ever loved anyone in my life.
There is no part of me that does not love every part of You, Master.
I Trust You Master, with my heart, with my health, and with my life.
I know You will never do anything to damage Your property, Master.
I know You have Your little girl's best interests in mind, Daddy-love!


- Protected Slave and Property of the Magnificent Miss_Misanthropy,
Privileged to be Master's Adoring Pet Whore, Phee