So Master has told me that She has been working on writing up a contract containing all rules that She would wish for me to obey once we are together. It honours me deeply to know that She loves me so much that She's not only been weaving a collar for me, by hand, but has been working upon a very real contract of ownership at least since I mentioned wanting one. I want to be Her property, for the simple sake of that She takes Her responsibilities to me as Her slave, very seriously. She's undertaken a lot of responsibility with Her ownership of me, because being a friend is not nearly as much work as being Master. There are things She gets out of this which She very much enjoys, but it is still a great deal of responsibility that She is accepting in taking care of me as part of the deal. It's very much a two-way street.
It makes me really happy to know that I hold a position of such importance to Her, though at times I feel like I may not necessarily deserve it. I've been struggling with two of the rules, one of which is a new one and a concession that I offered freely. I enjoy it, it's about capitalizing Her pronouns, but it is something that takes some struggling to get accustomed to, since I've never capitalized others' pronouns before. However, it is a convention of the community and it's a protocol in a Master/slave dynamic. Most importantly, it is something that She wants, so I am going to do it for Her because I love Her, and therefore, I love capitalizing Her, as it were. The other one is the bedtime. I love that I have a bedtime again, from Someone that I love, respect, admire, and seek to honour and obey. I don't know why I've been having trouble getting to bed on time, but I think I'm going to start going to bed a little bit early to make it up to her, and to make sure that I'm actually in bed at Her appointed time.
Although She does grant me some leeway on the exactitude of bedtime for some things... if when it reached 10 PM, I was role-playing, reading a book, playing a video game, talking with someone in a very important conversation, or working on creative expression, it is all right for me to stay up just a little bit past my bedtime. She didn't get upset with me when I waited up for Her for several hours, either, out of worry for Her, because She knows how important She is to me. I have trouble getting to sleep when I am deeply worried about someone, especially when it's not just any someone, but the Master Who Owns me.
Still, I've been brushing into that leeway more often than not, and it is beginning to irk Her a little bit that I seem to always push my bedtime by 25 to 50 minutes before actually going to bed. She does ask, and I confess that I didn't get in bed exactly on-time, and even though I did have an explanation for why I was not in bed... again, I have to realize that explanations are not excuses, no matter if the explanation is rational, it doesn't make for a legitimate excuse. I think I will start going to bed 15 or so minutes early for a while, to make it up to her, before trying to get used to the sharpness of that 10 PM deadline. I don't know why I'm having trouble with it. I like having a bedtime. I like having one given me by Someone that I have such strong feelings for as I do for Her, so I'm having trouble with understanding why I'm having such an issue with getting to bed at Her appointed time.
I know that She wouldn't be mad if it were for creative expression, if inspiration had struck me at 9:45 PM and I was vigorously tapping away for 3 hours. If She then signed on and asked what I was doing up so far after my bedtime, and I told Her that I'd been struck by inspiration and had to transcribe into text all that had suddenly flooded into my brain, She would totally understand. She respects my creative aspirations and my need for creative expression. That isn't what has been happening, though.
I've been getting caught up in a video game that I'm trying to totally ace (using that term since it is a World War 2 Fighter Pilot game on X-Box 360), or getting into a deep conversation, or getting into some discussion on FetLife that ends up keeping me awake for half to three-quarters of an hour, in spite of knowing what time it is. I felt really, really guilty when She came online and was legitimately irked that Her little girl hadn't gone to bed on time. I'd been discussing something with someone on Facebook, explaining my situation and how much happier and more comfortable it's made me, but that's not an excuse. I should have excused myself to go to bed on time, but I failed to.
I went to bed within a few minutes of Her telling me to shortly after She signed on. She forgave me, but I could tell She was still disappointed, and my heart ached with the feelings that causes in me. I laid awake kind of beating myself up for it for an hour, probably, before I finally managing to get to sleep. I hate disappointing Her. She's done so much for me. I felt like such a bad little girl. I still do, to some extent, but a good night sleep once I finally fell asleep really alleviates a lot, especially as I know that She will always forgive me, but forgiveness doesn't mean I don't get punished. I need to be punished when I do something bad, because Master does not want a bad little girl, and I want to be the best little girl I can for Her.
I love You, Master, with all of my heart and every fiber of my being.
I love You, Master, as much as I have ever loved anyone.
I am sorry for disappointing You, Master.
Thank You for forgiving me, Master.
I promise that I will try harder to be a good girl.
Thank You for being patient with me, Master.
Thank You for allowing me to be Your property.
- Protected Slave and Property of the Magnificent Miss_Misanthropy,
Privileged to be Master's Adoring Pet Whore, Ophelia
It makes me really happy to know that I hold a position of such importance to Her, though at times I feel like I may not necessarily deserve it. I've been struggling with two of the rules, one of which is a new one and a concession that I offered freely. I enjoy it, it's about capitalizing Her pronouns, but it is something that takes some struggling to get accustomed to, since I've never capitalized others' pronouns before. However, it is a convention of the community and it's a protocol in a Master/slave dynamic. Most importantly, it is something that She wants, so I am going to do it for Her because I love Her, and therefore, I love capitalizing Her, as it were. The other one is the bedtime. I love that I have a bedtime again, from Someone that I love, respect, admire, and seek to honour and obey. I don't know why I've been having trouble getting to bed on time, but I think I'm going to start going to bed a little bit early to make it up to her, and to make sure that I'm actually in bed at Her appointed time.
Although She does grant me some leeway on the exactitude of bedtime for some things... if when it reached 10 PM, I was role-playing, reading a book, playing a video game, talking with someone in a very important conversation, or working on creative expression, it is all right for me to stay up just a little bit past my bedtime. She didn't get upset with me when I waited up for Her for several hours, either, out of worry for Her, because She knows how important She is to me. I have trouble getting to sleep when I am deeply worried about someone, especially when it's not just any someone, but the Master Who Owns me.
Still, I've been brushing into that leeway more often than not, and it is beginning to irk Her a little bit that I seem to always push my bedtime by 25 to 50 minutes before actually going to bed. She does ask, and I confess that I didn't get in bed exactly on-time, and even though I did have an explanation for why I was not in bed... again, I have to realize that explanations are not excuses, no matter if the explanation is rational, it doesn't make for a legitimate excuse. I think I will start going to bed 15 or so minutes early for a while, to make it up to her, before trying to get used to the sharpness of that 10 PM deadline. I don't know why I'm having trouble with it. I like having a bedtime. I like having one given me by Someone that I have such strong feelings for as I do for Her, so I'm having trouble with understanding why I'm having such an issue with getting to bed at Her appointed time.
I know that She wouldn't be mad if it were for creative expression, if inspiration had struck me at 9:45 PM and I was vigorously tapping away for 3 hours. If She then signed on and asked what I was doing up so far after my bedtime, and I told Her that I'd been struck by inspiration and had to transcribe into text all that had suddenly flooded into my brain, She would totally understand. She respects my creative aspirations and my need for creative expression. That isn't what has been happening, though.
I've been getting caught up in a video game that I'm trying to totally ace (using that term since it is a World War 2 Fighter Pilot game on X-Box 360), or getting into a deep conversation, or getting into some discussion on FetLife that ends up keeping me awake for half to three-quarters of an hour, in spite of knowing what time it is. I felt really, really guilty when She came online and was legitimately irked that Her little girl hadn't gone to bed on time. I'd been discussing something with someone on Facebook, explaining my situation and how much happier and more comfortable it's made me, but that's not an excuse. I should have excused myself to go to bed on time, but I failed to.
I went to bed within a few minutes of Her telling me to shortly after She signed on. She forgave me, but I could tell She was still disappointed, and my heart ached with the feelings that causes in me. I laid awake kind of beating myself up for it for an hour, probably, before I finally managing to get to sleep. I hate disappointing Her. She's done so much for me. I felt like such a bad little girl. I still do, to some extent, but a good night sleep once I finally fell asleep really alleviates a lot, especially as I know that She will always forgive me, but forgiveness doesn't mean I don't get punished. I need to be punished when I do something bad, because Master does not want a bad little girl, and I want to be the best little girl I can for Her.
I love You, Master, with all of my heart and every fiber of my being.
I love You, Master, as much as I have ever loved anyone.
I am sorry for disappointing You, Master.
Thank You for forgiving me, Master.
I promise that I will try harder to be a good girl.
Thank You for being patient with me, Master.
Thank You for allowing me to be Your property.
- Protected Slave and Property of the Magnificent Miss_Misanthropy,
Privileged to be Master's Adoring Pet Whore, Ophelia
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